27 Funniest One Liners For Guaranteed Laughs

Need to get people laughing but on a tight schedule? One liners are the perfect way to get people laughing in just a few short words. Take a look at our 27 funniest one liners which are guaranteed to get people chuckling.

Fat people get offended easily because they prefer things to be sugar-coated.

If a bra is an over-the-shoulder-boulder-holder, then a jock strap is an under-the-butt-nut-hut.

I put the “sexy” in dyslexia.

I once opened a bar for dudes with erectile dysfunction, but sadly it was a total flop & nobody came.

I’ve been off my OCD meds for 7 months, 12 days, 3 hours and 52 minutes.

My problem with religion is that my idea of heaven consists of everything I’d go to hell for.

Never date a tennis player, love means nothing to them.

I just realised I’ve never had an epiphany.

If Bing Crosby was great, imagine how good Google Crosby would have been.

Why is it spelled “camouflage” and not

Like most men my age, I’m 51.

I’m not bragging or anything, but I made six figures this year, so they named me the year’s worst employee at the toy factory.

If Snoop Dogg dies before pot is made legal nationally, he’ll be rolling in his grave.

I live just a stone’s throw away from the family that all died of mysterious head injuries.

Got pretty drunk last night and took a bus home, which might not be a big deal to some of you, but I had never driven one before.

I tried to send Bugs Bunny a file through Google Drive but he only accepts a WhatsApp doc.

Nothing starts with N and ends with G.

My nephew was caught eating electrical cords, so my sister grounded him until he conducts himself properly.

I explained to my son, “If you think our microwave, phone and TV spying on us is bad, our vacuum cleaner has been gathering dirt on us for years!”

I enjoy making fat jokes because they target a wider audience.

Alcohol is a perfect solvent: It dissolves marriages, families and careers.

The Hooters restaurant should start a home delivery service called Knockers.

Just finished reading the article “100 things to do before you die,” and I’m surprised that neither “call 9-1-1” nor “Yell for help” made the list.

We should stop letting kids listen to symphonies, as there’s far too much sax and violins nowadays.

Grandpa just revealed he’s addicted to Viagra and nobody’s taking it harder than Grandma.

I invented a new word – Plagiarism.

It seems that the primary use of my pinky toe is checking if my furniture is still hard.

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