Bronze Jokes

Maybe this is why they don’t teach music in high school any more. Following are actual answers from students on music tests… – The principal singer of nineteenth century opera was called pre-Madonna. – Gregorian chant has no music, just singers singing the same lines. – Sherbet composed the Unfinished Symphony. – All female parts were sung by castrati. We don’t know exactly what they sounded like because there are no known descendants. – Young scholars have expressed their rapture for the Bronze Lullaby, the Taco Bell Cannon, Beethoven’s Erotica, Tchaikovsky Cracknutter Suite, and Gershwin’s Rap City in Blue. – Music sung by two people at the same time is called a duel; if they sing without music it is called Acapulco. – A virtuoso is a musician with real high morals. – Contralto is a low sort of music that only ladies sing. – Probably the most marvelous fugue was the one between the Hatfields and the McCoys. – I know what a sextet is but I’d rather not say. – Johann Sebastian Bach wrote a great many musical compositions and had a large number of children. In between he practiced on an old spinster which he kept up in his attic. – Rock Monanoff was a famous post-romantic composer of piano concerti.

After Olympic Special In the first 10 days of the Olympics the Romanians have taken gold, silver ,bronze, copper, lead, drain covers and anything else they can get their hands on. Somalia has been thrown out of the Olympics. They didn’t know that sailing and shooting were two separate events! As a way of apology to North Korea for displaying the South Korean flag at the Olympic football, the team will be treated to an all you can eat buffet at Battersea dogs home. Is it just me or have you noticed how much these Chinese swimmers have come on since the Morcambe Bay cockle picking accident. First sailing results are in – Britain has taken gold, the USA have taken silver and Somalia have taken a middle-aged couple from Weymouth.

A tourist wanders into a back-alley antique shop somewhere in Washington DC. Picking through the objects on display he discovers a detailed, life-sized bronze sculpture of a rat. The sculpture is so interesting and unique that he picks it up and asks the shop owner what it costs. “Twelve dollars for the rat, sir,” says the shop owner, “and a thousand dollars more for the story behind it.” “You can keep the story, old man,” he replies, “but I’ll take the rat.” The transaction complete, the tourist leaves the store with the bronze rat under his arm. As he crosses the street in front of the store,two live rats emerge from a sewer drain and fall into step behind him. Nervously looking over his shoulder, he begins to walk faster, but every time he passes another sewer drain, more rats come out and follow him. By the time he’s walked two blocks, at least a hundred rats are at his heels, and people begin to point and shout. He walks even faster, and soon breaks into a trot as multitudes of rats swarm from sewers, basements, vacant lots, and abandoned cars. Rats by the thousands are at his heels, and as he sees the waterfront at the bottom of the hill, he panics and starts to run full tilt. No matter how fast he runs, the rats keep up, squealing hideously, now not just thousands but millions, so that by the time he comes rushing up to the water’s edge a trail of rats twelve city blocks long is behind him. Making a mighty leap, he jumps up onto a light post, grasping it with one arm while he hurls the bronze rat into the Potomac Tidal Basin with the other, as far as he can heave it. Pulling his legs up and clinging to the light post, he watches in amazement as the seething tide of rats surges over the breakwater into the Basin, where they drown. Shaken and mumbling, he makes his way back to the antique shop.”So, you’ve come back for the rest of the story,” says the owner. “No,” says the tourist, “I was wondering if you have a bronze congressman. “

Redneck Olympics Doves released during opening ceremonies are promptly shot by the crowd and sold as concession snacks. In an amazing coincidence, every proposed Olympic venue turns out to be owned by the Governor. The big event is the 100m Sister chase. Instead of shooting at boring targets, archers take aim at muskrats and ATF agents. Urine drug test transformed into “Distance Pissin’ Competition.” Olympic Village replaced with Olympic Trailer Park. Awards of gold, silver and bronze medals replaced by award of gold, silver, and bronze teeth. Opening Ceremony is a Skynyrd tape and a trunk full of bottle rockets. Hometown favorites falter in gymnastics competitions due to all them extra toes. Two words: Billy Bobsledding.

A tourist wanders into a back-alley antique shop in San Francisco’s Chinatown. Picking through the objects on display he discovers a detailed, life-sized bronze sculpture of a rat. The sculpture is so interesting and unique that he picks it up and asks the shop owner what it costs. “Twelve dollars for the rat, sir,” says the shop owner, “and a thousand dollars more for the story behind it.” “You can keep the story, old man,” he replies, “but I’ll take the rat.” The transaction complete, the tourist leaves the store with the bronze rat under his arm. As he crosses the street in front of the store, two live rats emerge from a sewer drain and fall into step behind him. Nervously looking over his shoulder, he begins to walk faster, but every time he passes another sewer drain, more rats come out and follow him. By the time he’s walked two blocks, at least a hundred rats are at his heels, and people begin to point and shout. He walks even faster, and soon breaks into a trot as multitudes of rats swarm from sewers, basements, vacant lots, and abandoned cars. Rats by the thousands are at his heels, and as he sees the waterfront at the bottom of the hill, he panics and starts to run full tilt. No matter how fast he runs, the rats keep up, squealing hideously, now not just thousands but millions, so that by the time he comes rushing up to the water’s edge a trail of rats twelve city blocks long is behind him. Making a mighty leap, he jumps up onto a light post, grasping it with one arm while he hurls the bronze rat into San Francisco Bay with the other, as far as he can heave it. Pulling his legs up and clinging to the light post, he watches in amazement as the seething tide of rats surges over the breakwater into the sea, where they drown. Shaken and mumbling, he makes his way back to the antique shop. “Ah, so you’ve come back for the rest of the story,” says the owner. “No,” says the tourist, “I was wondering if you have a bronze lawyer.”

I just back from competing in the ‘Sun Tanning World Championship’.I got bronze!

I remember last summer at the beach. All the humiliation of being a 97 pound weakling. The big guys kicking sand in my face, My girlfriend dissing me to take off with some bronzed, muscular jock. So I moved to Alaska. Now I’m a Husky fcuker

I’ve been told I’m not ambitious enough. If only there was an olympic sport for being a lazy bastard. That bronze medal would be mine.

Saw that Poland just won the country’s first gold metal…. they were so happy, they had it bronzed!

I once entered the world kleptomaniac championships.I took gold, silver, and bronze.

I once entered the world kleptomaniac championships.I took gold, silver, and bronze.

I entered the world kleptomaniac championship tournament.I took gold, silver and bronze.

I once entered the world kleptomaniac championships…I took gold, silver and bronze.