Man “Haven’t we met before?” Woman “Yes, I’m the receptionist at the VD Clinic.” Man “Haven’t I seen you someplace before?” Woman “Yeah, that’s why I don’t go there anymore.” Man “Is this seat empty?” Woman “Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down.” Man “So, wanna go back to my place ?” Woman “Well, I don’t know. Will two people fit under a rock?” Man “Your place or mine?” Woman “Both. You go to yours and I’ll go to mine.” Man “I’d like to call you. What’s your number?” Woman “It’s in the phone book.” Man “But I don’t know your name.” Woman “That’s in the phone book too.” Man “So what do you do for a living?” Woman “I’m a female impersonator.” Man “What sign were you born under?” Woman “No Parking.” Man “Hey, baby, what’s your sign?” Woman “Do not Enter” Man “How do you like your eggs in the morning?” Woman “Unfertilized” Man “Hey, come on, we’re both here at this bar for the same reason” Woman “Yeah! Let’s pick up some chicks!” Man “I’m here to fulfill your every sexual fantasy.” Woman “You mean you’ve got both a donkey and a Great Dane?” Man “I know how to please a woman.” Woman “Then please leave me alone.” Man “I want to give myself to you.” Woman “Sorry, I don’t accept cheap gifts.” Man “I can tell that you want me.” Woman “Ohhhh. You’re so right. I want you to leave.” Man “If I could see you naked, I’d die happy Woman “Yeah, but if I saw you naked, I’d probably die laughing.” Man “Hey cutie, how ’bout you and I hitting the hot spots?” Woman “Sorry, I don’t date outside my species..” Man “Your body is like a temple.” Woman “Sorry, there are no services today.” Man “I’d go through anything for you.” Woman “Good! Let’s start with your bank account.” Man “I would go to the end of the world for you.” Woman “Yes, but would you stay there?”
- Inoculations A client brought a litter of golden retriever puppies to my veterinary clinic for inoculations and worming. As the look-alike pups squirmed over and under one another in their box, I realized it would be difficult to tell the treated ones from the rest. So, I turned on the water faucet, wet my fingers, and moistened each dog’s head when I had finished. After the fourth puppy, I noticed my talkative client had grown silent. As I sprinkled the last pup’s head, the woman leaned forward and whispered, “I didn’t know they had to be baptized, too.”
- Ole vas vorking at da fish plant up nort in Dulut vhen he accidently cut off all ten off his fingers. He vent to da emergency room at da Clinic and vhen he got dere da Norsky doctor looked at Ole and said, “Let’s haf da fingers and I’ll see vhat I can do.” Ole said, “I hafn’t got da fingers.” “Vhat do you mean, you hafn’t got da fingers?” the doctor cried. “Yumpin’ yiminy! It’s 2005! Ve got microsurgery and all kinds off incredible techniques. I could haf put dem back on and made you like new! Vhy didn’t you bring da fingers?” To vhich Ole replied… (Are you ready for dis???) “How da fock was I suppose to pick’em up?”
- Two elderly couples were enjoying friendly conversation when one of the men asked the other, “Fred, how was the memory clinic you went to last month?” “Outstanding,” Fred replied. “They taught us all the latest psychological techiniques – visualization, association – it made a huge difference for me.” “That’s great! What was the name of the clinic?” Fred went blank. He thought and thought, but couldn’t remember. Then a smile broke across his face and he asked, “What do you call that red flower with the long stem and thorns?” “You mean a rose?” “Yes, that’s it!” He turned to his wife. . .”Rose, what was the name of that clinic?”
- Bill and Bob, two children, were sitting outside a clinic. Bill happened to be crying very loudly. “Why are you crying?” Bob asked. “I came here for a blood test,” sobbed Bill. “So? Are you afraid?” “No. For the blood test, they cut my finger. As Bob heard this, he immediately began crying profusely. Astonished, Bill stopped his tears and asked Bob, “Why are you crying now?” To which Bob replied, “I came for a urine test!”
- A priest, a pastor, and a rabbit entered a clinic to donate blood.The nurse asked the rabbit, “What’s your blood type?”“I’m probably a Type O,” said the rabbit.
- I went to a sex addiction clinic yesterday.We all gathered in a circle and one by one each person told stories of their sordid sexual encounters.By the time it got to me, the counsellor asked, “Dave, is there anything you’d like to share with us?”I said, “Yes, my erection!”
- I went to a sex addiction clinic yesterday.We gathered in a circle and one by one each person told stories of their sordid sexual encounters.By the time it got to me, the counsellor asked, “Now then, is there anything you’d like to share with us?”I said, “Yes, my hard on!”
- Is it appropriate for a receptionist at a sperm clinic to tell their clients “thanks for coming” as they leave?
- “Don’t kid yourself” Would be a great slogan for an abortion clinic.