Crab Jokes

What do you call a crab that plays baseball? A pinch hitter.

Chuck Norris crab fishes the Bearing Sea using only a snorkel and a laundry basket.

1) This is a picture of an octopus. It has eight testicles.(Kelly age 6) 2) Oysters’ balls are called pearls.(James age 6) 3) If you are surrounded by sea you are an Island If you don’t have sea all round you, you are incontinent.( Wayne age 7) 4) Sharks are ugly and mean, and have big teeth, just like Emily Richardson. She’s not my friend no more.(Kylie age 6) 5) A dolphin breathes through an assh*le on the top of its head.(Billy age 8) 6) My uncle goes out in his boat with pots, and comes back with crabs.(Millie age 6) 7) When ships had sails, they used to use the trade winds to cross the ocean. Sometimes, when the wind didn’t blow, the sailors would whistle to make the wind come. My brother said they would be better off eating beans.(William age 7) 8) I like mermaids. They are beautiful, and I like their shiny tails. How do mermaids get pregnant?(Helen age 6) 9) I’m not going to write about the sea. My baby brother is always screaming and being sick, my Dad keeps shouting at my Mom, and my big sister has just got pregnant, so I can’t think what to write.(Amy age 6) 10) Some fish are dangerous. Jellyfish can sting. Electric eels can give you a shock. They have to live in caves under the sea where I think they have to plug themselves into chargers.(Christopher age 7)

A man boarded an airplane in New Orleans with a box of frozen crab. A female crew member took the box and promised to put it in the crew’s refrigerator, which she did. The man firmly advised her that he was holding her personally responsible for the crabs staying frozen, and proceeded to rant at her about what would happen if she let them thaw out. She was annoyed by his behavior. Shortly before landing in New York , she announced over the intercom to the entire cabin, ‘Would the gentleman who gave me the crabs in New Orleans , please raise your hand?’ Not one hand went up..so she took them home and ate them herself. Men never learn!

Someone out there either has too much spare time or is deadly at Scrabble. (wait till you see the last one!) DORMITORY: When you rearrange the letters: DIRTY ROOM PRESBYTERIAN: When you rearrange the letters: BEST IN PRAYER DESPERATION: When you rearrange the letters: A ROPE ENDS IT GEORGE BUSH: When you rearrange the letters: HE BUGS GORE THE MORSE CODE: When you rearrange the letters: HERE COME DOTS SLOT MACHINES: When you rearrange the letters: CASH LOST IN ME ANIMOSITY: When you rearrange the letters: IS NO AMITY MOTHER-IN-LAW: When you rearrange the letters: WOMAN HITLER SNOOZE ALARMS: When you rearrange the letters: ALAS! NO MORE Z ‘S A DECIMAL POINT: When you rearrange the letters: IM A DOT IN PLACE THE EARTHQUAKES: When you rearrange the letters: THAT QUEER SHAKE ELEVEN PLUS TWO: When you rearrange the letters: TWELVE PLUS ONE AND FOR THE GRAND FINALE: PRESIDENT CLINTON OF THE USA: When you rearrange the letters (With no letters left over and using each letter only once): TO COPULATE HE FINDS INTERNS Yep! Someone with waaaaaaaaaaay too much time on their hands!

I can’t believe how dangerous playing Scrabble with the family is…It’s all fun and games until someone loses an I

Last Valentine’s Day I surprised my wife by getting romantic…Best Scrabble score I’ve ever had!

I haven’t kept up my subscription to Scrabble Club…Now they’ve started sending me threatening letters!

I had eczema, diarrhoea and haemorrhoids over the weekend…My best game of Scrabble ever!

I jammed a scrabble tile into my Nerf gun and shot my brother at close range in the forehead, knocking him out cold…I didn’t mean to though, I thought it was a blank!

I haven’t kept up my subscription to the Scrabble Club…Now they’ve started sending me threatening letters!

Why did the crab cross the road?It didn’t. It used the sidewalk!

I’ve accidentally swallowed some scrabble squares…Going for a poo could spell trouble!

I met my wife at a Scrabble tournament 20 years ago…Next week we are going to renew our vowels!

My wife is very upset with me. She found some letters I’d been hiding.She says she feels betrayed and has lost all trust in me. I can’t say I blame her. I feel so ashamed…I wouldn’t be surprised if she never plays Scrabble with me again!

Don’t know why but I was never very good at scrabbel!

When I was twelve, I jammed a tile from a Scrabble set into a Nerf gun and shot my brother in the forehead, killing him instantly. It was an accident though, I thought it was a “blank”.

I don’t think there will ever be an edible version of scrabble. And if there is, I’m going to have to eat my own words.

My wife found out I was cheating after she found the letters I was hiding…. She got mad and said she’s never playing Scrabble with me again.

Old MacDonald had a really bad scrabble hand…… E I E I O…..

Scrabble, it’s all fun and games until someone loses an I.

My friend asked me today what the name of the show is where they go fishing and catch all the crabs..I said “Jersey Shore”…Was I wrong?

Scrabble is adding 5,000 new words including “chillax” and “selfie.” So kids, there’s never been a better time to challenge your grandparents to a game of Scrabble.

I accidentally swallowed a bunch of scrabble tiles. My next trip to the bathroom could spell disaster.

Why do crabs never give to charity?Because they’re shellfish.

My wife found out I was cheating after she found all the letters I had hidden…She went crazy and said she won’t play Scrabble with me again!

Where do you find a crab with no legs?Exactly where you left it.

I accidentally swallowed a bunch of scrabble tiles…My next trip to the bathroom could spell disaster.

My wife found out I was cheating after she found the letters I was hiding.She got mad and said she is never playing Scrabble with me again!

I accidentally swallowed a bunch of Scrabble tiles…My next trip to the bathroom could spell disaster!

Once my dog ate all the Scrabble tiles.For days he kept leaving little messages around the house.

Why did the crab cross the road?It didn’t – it used the sidewalk.

My girlfriend is furious with me because she found a bunch of hidden letters that revealed I was cheating on her.Now she refuses to play Scrabble at all.