Dragon Jokes

  • A poor vagabond, traveling a country road in England, tired and hungry, came to a roadside inn with a sign reading: “George and the Dragon.” He knocked. The innkeeper’s wife stuck her head out a window. “Could ye spare some victuals?” he asked. The woman glanced at his shabby clothes and obviously poor condition. “No!” she said rather sternly. “Could I have a pint of ale?” “No!” she said again. “Could I at least sleep in your stable?” “No!” By this time, she was fairly shouting. The vagabond said, “Might I please…?” “What now?” the woman interrupted impatiently. “D’ye suppose,” he asked, “I might have a word with George?”

    You already voted!

  • 1. I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow isn’t looking good either. 2. I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound the make as they go flying by. 3. Am I getting smart with you? How would you know? 4. I’d explain it to you, but your brain would explode. 5. Someday we’ll look back on all this and plow into a parked car. 6. There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved through a suitable application of high explosives. 7. Tell me what you need, and I’ll tell you how to get along without it. 8. Accept that some days you’re the pigeon, and some days you’re the statue. 9. Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If he isn’t there the first time you need him, chances are you won’t be needing him again. 10. I don’t have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem. 11. Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, “Where the hell is the ceiling?!” 12. My Reality Check bounced. 13. On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key. 14. I don’t suffer from stress. I’m a carrier. 15. You’re slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter. 16. Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, ‘cuz, like to them, you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup. 17. Everybody is somebody else’s weirdo. 18. Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level then beat you with experience.
    You already voted!

  • In ancient China there is a legend that one day a child will be born from a dragon, grow to be a man, and vanquish evil from the land. That man is not Chuck Norris, because Chuck Norris killed that man.
    You already voted!

  • Chocolate Test {…No cheating!!} Take this cute chocolate test to find out your true being. If you were buying candy and you had your choice of the following,which would you choose? BABY RUTH 3 MUSKETEERS BUTTERFINGERS SNICKERS HERSHEY’S ALMOND JOY with ALMONDS CLARK BAR GOOD ‘n’ PLENTY ENERGY BAR CHOCOLATE COATED RAISINS Ok – Now That We Have Your Choice, This Is What Research Says About You!!! And NO….you can’t change your mind once you scroll down. So think carefully about what your choice will be! BABY RUTH – Sweet, loving, cuddly. You love all warm fuzzy items. A little nutty. Sometimes you need an ice cream cone at the end of the day. 3 MUSKETEERS – You are adventurous, love new ideas, are a champion of underdogs and a slayer of dragons. When tempers flare up, you whip out your sabre. BUTTERFINGER – Smooth articulate, you are an excellent after-dinner speaker and a good teacher. But don’t try to walk and chew gum at the same time. SNICKERS – Fun-loving, sassy, humorous. Everyone enjoys being around you. But you are a practical joker – others should be cautious in shaking hands! HERSHEY – Romantic, warm, loving. You care about other people and can be counted on in a pinch. You tend to melt. ALMOND JOY – Sexy, always ready to give and receive, very energetic, and really like to get into life. The opposite sex is always attracted to you. CLARK BAR – You like sports, whether baseball, football, basketball, or soccer. If you could, you would like to participate, but enjoy watching sports. You don’t like to give up the remote control. GOOD ‘n’ PLENTY – You are a very fun loving person, who likes to laugh. You are fun to be with. People like to hang out with you. You are a very warm hearted person. ENERGY BAR – Life is passing you by. Get a life!!!! Go eat a plum. CHOCOLATE COATED RAISINS – You go to the bathroom often.
    You already voted!

  • I got no investment at all on Dragons’ Den with my Astro Turf business…They didn’t like my pitch!
    You already voted!

  • I went on Dragons Den the other night and showed them my Dads old shotgun.Peter Jones said, “And what’s your idea?”I replied, “It’s a simple concept Peter. Just put the money in the bag!”
    You already voted!

  • How do dragons blow out candles?
    You already voted!

  • Going to How to Train Your Dragon tomorrow… Or marriage guidance counselling as the wife calls it.
    You already voted!

  • I wasn’t sure why the doctor prescribed LSD for my constipation, until I saw a dragon and sh*t myself.
    You already voted!

  • HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR, It’s the year of the snake !!! I’m still keep accidentally writing Dragon on all my checks.
    You already voted!

  • LSD makes users lose weight’ That makes sense, it’s kinda hard to get to the fridge when there’s a dragon guarding it.
    You already voted!

  • If you don’t like the fire….don’t tickle the dragon.
    You already voted!

  • When you get frustrated, just think of a dragon trying to blow out birthday candles.
    You already voted!

You already voted!

Leave a Reply