Employer Jokes

WASHINGTON, DC (AP) – Congress approved sweeping legislation, which provides new benefits for many Americans. The Americans With No Abilities Act (AWNAA), signed into law by President John Kerry shortly after its passage, is being hailed as a major victory by advocates of the millions of Americans who lack any real skills or ambition. “Roughly 50 percent of Americans do not possess the competence and drive necessary to carve out a meaningful role for themselves in society,” said Kerry, a longtime AWNAA supporter. “This is why many of them voted for me. We can no longer stand by and allow People of Inability to be ridiculed and passed over. With this legislation, employers will no longer be able to grant special favors to a small group of workers, simply because they do a better job, or have some idea of what they are doing”, said Kerry. President Kerry pointed to the success of the US Postal Service, which has a long-standing policy of providing opportunity without regard to performance. Approximately 80 percent of postal employees lack job skills, making this agency the single largest US employer of Persons of Inability. Private sector industries with good records of nondiscrimination against the Inept include retail sales (72%), the airline industry (68%),and home improvement “warehouse” stores (65%) President Kerry has also set an example, personally selecting hundreds of Nonabled people for top government positions, including many cabinet-level jobs. Under the Americans With No Abilities Act, more than 25 million “middle man” positions will be created, with important-sounding titles but little real responsibility, thus providing an illusory sense of purpose and performance. Mandatory non-performance-based raises and promotions will be given, to guarantee upward mobility for even the most unremarkable employees. The legislation provides substantial tax breaks to corporations which maintain a significant level of Persons of Inability in top positions, and gives a tax credit to small and medium businesses that agree to hire one clueless worker for every two talented hires. Finally, the AWNAA contains tough new measures to make it more difficult to discriminate against the Nonabled, banning discriminatory interview questions such as “Do you have any goals for the future?” or “Do you have any skills or experience which relate to this job?” and “Are you awake?” “As a Nonabled person, I can’t be expected to keep up with people who have something going for them,” said Mary Lou Gertz, who lost her position as a lug-nut twister at the GM plant in Flint, MI due to her lack of notable job skills. “This new law should really help people like me.” With the passage of this bill, Gertz and millions of other untalented citizens can finally see a light at the end of the tunnel. Said Kerry, “It is our duty as lawmakers to provide each and every American citizen, regardless of his or her adequacy, with some sort of space to take up in this great nation.”

A highly dangerous virus called “Weekly Overload Recreational Killer” (WORK) is currently going around. If you come in contact with this WORK VIRUS, you should immediately go to the nearest “Biological Anxiety Relief” (BAR) centre to take antidotes known as “Work Isolating Neutralizer Extract” (WINE), “Radioactive UnWORK Medicine”(RUM), “Bothersome Employer Elimination Rebooter”(BEER) or “Vaccino Officio Depression Killing Antigen”(VODKA.)

A man went to apply for a job. After filling out all of his applications, he waited anxiously for the outcome. The employer read all his applications and said, “We have an opening for people like you.” “Oh, great,” he said, “What is it?” “It’s called the door!”

here is a dangerous virus being passed electronically, orally and by hand. This virus is called Worm-Overload-Recreational-Killer (WORK). If you receive WORK from any of your colleagues, your boss or anyone else via any means DO NOT TOUCH IT. This virus will wipe out your private life completely. If you should come into contact with WORK put your jacket on and take two good friends to the nearest bar. Purchase the antidote known as Work-Isolator-Neutralizer-Extractor (WINE) or Bothersome-Employer- Eliminator-Rebooter (BEER). Take the antidote repeatedly until WORK has been completely eliminated from your system. You should forward this warning to 5 friends. If you do not have 5 friends, you have already been infected and WORK is controlling your life.

Despite my A-Level grades of A, B, B,A, I could never get an employer to take a chance on me!

Being stuck in the” friend zone” is like an employer refusing you for a job and calling you to complain about the person he hired.

The most important thing I look for from a potential employer is a bathroom with a good network connection.

It’s hard to believe my teenage son hasn’t got a job yet. I was sure his special skill of keeping it real’ would impress any potential employers.