At one point during a game, the coach called one of his 7-year-old hockey players aside and asked, “Do you understand what cooperation is? What a team is?” The little boy nodded in the affirmative. “Do you understand that what matters is not whether we win or lose, but how we play together as a team?” The little boy nodded yes. “So,” the coach continued, “I’m sure you know, when a penalty is called, you shouldn’t argue, curse, attack the referee, or call him a pecker-head.” Do you understand all that?” Again the little boy nodded. He continued, “And when I call you off the ice so that another boy gets a chance to play, it’s not good sportsmanship to call your coach ‘a dumb a–hole’, is it?” Again the little boy nodded. “Good,” said the coach. “Now go over there and explain all that to your mother.”
- Camping Tips Get even with a bear who raided your food bag by kicking his favorite stump apart and eating all the ants. A hot rock placed in your sleeping bag will keep your feet warm. A hot enchilada works almost as well, but the cheese sticks between your toes. The best backpacks are named for national parks or mountain ranges. Steer clear of those named for landfills. When camping, always wear a long-sleeved shirt. It gives you something to wipe your nose on. Take this simple test to see if you qualify for solo camping. Shine a flashlight into one ear. If the beam shines out the other ear, do not go into the woods alone. A two-man pup tent does not include two men or a pup. A potato baked in the coals for one hour makes an excellent side dish. A potato baked in the coals for three hours makes an excellent hockey puck. In emergency situations, you can survive in the wilderness by shooting small game with a slingshot made from the elastic waistband of your underwear.
- 1. Law of Mechanical Repair – After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch & you’ll have to pee. 2. Law of Gravity – Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner. 3. Law of Probability – The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act. 4. Law of Random Numbers – If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal & someone always answers. 5. Law of the Alibi – If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire. 6. Variation Law – If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time). 7. Law of the Bath – When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings. 8. Law of Close Encounters – The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don’t want to be seen with. 9. Law of the Result – When you try to prove to someone that a machine won’t work, it will. 10. Law of Biomechanics – The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach. 11. Law of the Theater & Hockey Arena – At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle, always arrive last. They are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet & who leave early before the end of the performance or the game is over. The folks in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies & stay to the bitter end of the performance. The aisle people also are very surly folk. 12. The Coffee Law – As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold. 13. Murphy’s Law of Lockers – If there are only 2 people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers. 14. Law of Physical Surfaces – The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor, are directly correlated to the newness & cost of the carpet or rug. 15. Law of Logical Argument – Anything is possible if you don’t know what you are talking about. 16. Brown’s Law of Physical Appearance – If the clothes fit, they’re ugly. 17. Oliver’s Law of Public Speaking – A closed mouth gathers no feet. 18. Wilson’s Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy – As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it. 19. Doctors’ Law – If you don’t feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you’ll feel better.. But don’t make an appointment, and you’ll stay sick.
- I was watching the men’s hockey at the commonwealth games today, I was thinking it must be a very dangerous game to play, I mean half the Indian team were running around with bandages on their heads
- Today I picked up a hitchhiker. Dropped him off at Crystal Lake. Seemed nice but didn’t say a word. Was wearing a hockey mask. Oh, these wacky kids and their crazy fashions!