GREAT TRUTHS THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED: 1) No matter how hard you try, you can’t baptize cats. 2) When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don’t let her brush your hair. 3) If your sister hits you, don’t hit her back. They always catch the second person. 4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato. 5) You can’t trust dogs to watch your food. 6) Don’t sneeze when someone is cutting your hair. 7) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time. 8) You can’t hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk. 9) Don’t wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts. 10) The best place to be when you’re sad is Grandpa’s lap. GREAT TRUTHS THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED: 1) Raising teenagers is like nailing Jell-O to a tree. 2) Wrinkles don’t hurt. 3) Families are like fudge…mostly sweet, with a few nuts. 4) Today’s mighty oak is just yesterday’s nut that held its ground. 5) Laughing is good exercise. It’s like jogging on the inside. 6) Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy. GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLD 1) Growing up is mandatory; growing old is optional. 2) Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get. 3) When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you’re down there. 4) You’re getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster. 5) It’s frustrating when you know all the answers but nobody bothers to ask you the questions. 6) Time may be a great healer, but it’s a lousy beautician. 7) Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.
- Hillary Clinton is out jogging. she passes a young boy selling puppies. “Buy a puppy Ma’am?” asks the lad. “Oh no sorry,” says Mrs. Clinton. ” We have a cat already you know.” “But they are Democrat puppies, Ma’am” asserts the enterprising lad. Clinton smiles, but again declines. The boy nods, Clinton jogs on. The next day Clinton is jogging by the same spot. There again is the boy still trying to sell the puppies. As Clinton jogs by she over hears the youth telling the potential customer, “But sir these are Republican puppies.” Clinton stops & says “Young man yesterday you told me those were Democrat puppies, and today you are saying they are Republican puppies” “Well Yes Ma’am,” the child says. Hillary then asks ” well, if they were Democrat puppies yesterday, how could they be Republican puppies today”? ” Well Ma’am, ” explains the child. ” Since then they opened their eyes.”
- The basketball coach stormed into the university president’s office and demanded a raise right then and there. “Please,” protested the college President, “you already make more than the entire History department.” “Yeah, maybe so, but you don’t know what I have to put up with,” the coach blustered. “Look.” He went out into the hall and grabbed a jock who was jogging down the hallway. “Run over to my office and see if I’m there,” he ordered. Twenty minutes later the jock returned, sweaty and out of breath. “You’re not there, sir,” he reported. “Oh, I see what you mean,” conceded the President, scratching his head. “I would have phoned.”
- Everyday I wake up and announce loudly to my family that I am going jogging. Then I don’t go…It’s a running joke!
- Started jogging today…Didn’t want to but the ice cream van was pulling away!
- I saw my neighbour jogging at 1am this morning and said “It’s a bit late for you Kathy, isn’t it ?”. She said “I couldn’t sleep”. I said “That’s not what I meant, you fat b*tch”….
- If my body is ever found dead on a jogging trail, just know I was murdered elsewhere and dumped there.
- When I see people jogging outside I like to drive slowly down the road behind them blasting “Eye of the Tiger” just to give them motivation.
- Whenever I see a lone female jogging at night I follow her in my car from a noticeable distance because there are a lot of weirdos out there.
- Every morning I announce loudly to my family that I’m going jogging, but then don’t go…It’s a running joke!
- Every morning I announce loudly to my family that I’m going jogging, but then don’t go.It’s a running joke.