A teacher is explaining biology to her 4th grade students. ‘Human beings are the only animals that stutter’, she says. A little girl raises her hand. ‘I had a kitty-cat who stuttered’, she volunteered. The teacher, knowing how precious some of these stories could become, asked the girl to describe the incident. ‘Well’, she began, ‘I was in the back yard with my kitty and the Rottweiler that lives next door got a running start and before we knew it, he jumped over the fence into our yard!’ ‘That must’ve been scary’, said the teacher. ‘It sure was’, said the little girl. ‘My kitty raised his back, went ‘Fffff, Fffff, Fffff’…And before he could say ‘F*ck’, the Rottweiler ate him!’ The teacher wet her pants laughing…….
- There once was a lady who was very concerned about her missing parrot. Not knowing what to do, she called 911. “You gotta help me find my parrot!” The operator patiently replied, “We can’t help you with that, ma’am. This number only deals with emergencies.” However, the lady persisted, and then the operator told her not to be concerned, that the parrot should fly back in a few days. Then, out of desperation, the lady begged, “But you don’t understand! The only thing he says is ‘Here, kitty, kitty’!!!”
- There once was a lady who was very concerned about her missing parrot. Not knowing what to do, she called 911. “You gotta help me find my parrot!” The operator patiently replied, “We can’t help you with that, ma’am. This number only deals with emergencies.” However, the lady persisted, and then the operator told her not to be concerned, that the parrot should fly back in a few days. Then, out of desperation, the lady begged, “But you don’t understand! The only thing he says is ‘Here, kitty, kitty’!!!”
- Kitty’s Heaven St Peter is receptionist at the entrance of Heaven. A cat shows up and St Peter says, “I know you! You were a very nice cat on earth and didn’t cause any trouble, so I want to offer a gift to you of one special thing you have always wanted.” Cat: “Well, I did always long to own a nice satin pillow like my master had, so I could lie on it.” St Peter: “That’s easy. Granted. You shall have the satin pillow after you enter in.” Next, a group of mice appeared and St Peter greeted them and said: “Ah, I remember you. You were such good mice on earth. You didn’t steal food from anyone’s house and never hurt other animals. Therefore, I want to grant you one special wish you have always wanted.” The Chief Mouse replied, “Well, we always watched the children playing and saw them roller skate, and it was beautiful, and it looked like so much fun. So can we each have some roller skates, please?” St Peter: “Granted. You shall have your wish.” Next day, St Peter is making the rounds inside the Gates, and sees the cat. “Well, Cat…Did you enjoy the satin pillow?” Cat: “Oh, indeed I did. And say…that ‘Meals on Wheels’ thing was a nice touch, too!”
- “Hello Kitty” should have been a brand of condoms…
- When a girl doesn’t invite me up to her place after a date I just assume it’s because she’s a hoarder with 30 kitty cats.
- Have you ever done it kitty style? It’s like doggy style, but with purring, scratching and biting.