A husband and wife came for counseling after 15 years of marriage. When asked what the problem was, the wife went into a passionate, painful tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the 15 years they had been married. She went on and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of un-met needs she had endured over the course of their marriage. Finally, after allowing this to go on for a sufficient length of time, the therapist got up, walked around the desk and, after asking the wife to stand, embraced and kissed her passionately. The woman shut up and quietly sat down as though in a daze. The therapist turned to the husband and said, “This is what your wife needs at least three times a week Can you do this?” The husband thought for a moment and replied,.. “Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on Friday’s, I fish!
- Where does a zookeeper hang his laundry? On a clothes lion.
- What do you get when you mix a mouse with some laundry detergent? Squeaky clean clothes.
- What do you do when you see Michael J. Fox in a bathtub? Throw in a load of laundry.
- Q: Where does a zookeeper hang his laundry? A: On a clothes lion.
- Classes for Men Class 1: How to Fill Up the Ice Cube Trays. Step by Step, with Slide Presentation. Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hours beginning at 7. Class 2: The Toilet Paper Roll. Does it Change Itself? Round Table Discussion. Meets 2 weeks, Saturdays Class 3: Is It Possible to Urinate Using the Technique of Lifting the Seat and Avoiding the Floor and Nearby Bathtub? Group Practice. Meets 4 weeks, Saturdays. Class 4: Fundamental Differences Between the Laundry Hamper and the Floor. Pictures and Explanatory Graphics. Meets Saturdays for 3 weeks. Class 5: After Dinner Dishes. Can They Levitate and Fly Into the Kitchen Sink? Examples on Video. Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours. Class 6: Loss of Identity – Losing the Remote to Your Significant Other. Help Line Support and Support Groups. Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday. Class 7: Learning How to Find Things – Starting with looking in the right places instead of turning the house upside down while screaming. Open Forum. Monday Class 8: Real Men ask for Directions When Lost. Real Life Testimonials. Tuesdays. Location to be determined. Class 9: How to be the Ideal Shopping Companion. Relaxation Exercises, Meditation and Breathing Techniques. Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours. Class 10: Is it genetically impossible to sit quietly while she parallel parks? Driving Simulations. 4 weeks, Saturdays at noon, 2 hours.
- My son Mark was only 5 feet, 8 inches tall when he left for college inthe fall. He worked through the Christmas holidays and didn’t returnhome again until the February break. When he got off the plane, I was stunned at how much taller he looked. Measuring him at home, I discovered he now stood at 5 feet, 11 inches. My son was as surprised as I. “Couldn’t you tell by your clothes that you’d grown?” I asked him. “Since I’ve been doing my own laundry,” he replied, “I just figured everything had shrunk.”
- Did you hear the headline abou the lunatic who raped the laundry woman and ran away? “Nut screws washer and bolts”
- Chuck Norris crab fishes the Bearing Sea using only a snorkel and a laundry basket.
- You’re Not Old Unless You Can Remember… Being sent to the drugstore to test vacuum tubes for the TV. When Kool-Aid was the only drink for kids, other than milk or sodas. When it took five minutes for the TV to warm up. When nearly everyone’s mom was home when the kids got there. When nobody owned a purebread dog. When you reach into a muddy water gutter for a penny. When laundry detergent had free glasses, dishes or towels hidden inside the box. When they threatened to keep kids back a grade if they failed… and did! When you mom wore nylons that came in two pieces. When you got your windshield cleaned, oil checked, and gas pumped, without asking… for free, every time and you didn’t pay for air. And you got trading stamps to boot!
- One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, “What setting do I use on the washing machine?” “It depends,” I replied. “What does it say on your shirt?” He yelled back, “University of Oklahoma.”
- Q: What do you get when you mix a mouse with some laundry detergent? A: Squeaky clean clothes.
- What a woman says: “This place is a mess! C’mon! You and I need to clean up! Your stuff is lying on the floor and you’ll have no clothes to wear if we don’t do laundry right now!” What a man hears: blah, blah, blah, blah, “C’MON! blah, blah, blah, blah, YOU AND I blah, blah, blah, blah, ON THE FLOOR blah, blah, blah, blah, NO CLOTHES blah, blah, blah, blah, RIGHT NOW!”
- The New Survivor Have you heard about the next planned “Survivor” show? 6 Married men will be dropped on an island with 1 car and 4 kids each, for 6 weeks Each kid plays two sports and either takes music or dance classes. There is no access to fast food. Each man must take care of his 4 kids, keep his assigned house clean, correct all homework, complete science projects, cook, do laundry, etc. The men only have access to television when the kids are asleep and all chores are done. There is only one TV between them and there is no remote. The men must shave their legs and wear makeup daily, which they must apply themselves, either while driving or while making four lunches. They must attend weekly PTA meetings; clean up after their sick children at 3:00 a.m; make an Indian hut model with six toothpicks, a tortilla and one marker; and get a 4 year old to eat a serving of peas. The kids vote them off the island, based on performance. The last man wins only if he has enough energy to be intimate with his spouse at a moment’s notice. If the last man does win, he can play the game over and over again for the next 18-25 years – eventually earning the right to be called “Mother”.
- Never buy a ‘new’ brand of beer because ‘it was on sale.’ If we’re in the backyard and the TV in the den is on, that doesn’t mean we’re not watching it. Don’t tell anyone we can’t afford a new car. Tell them we don’t want one. Whenever possible please try to say whatever you have to say during commercials. Only wearing your new lingerie once does not send the message that you need more. It tells us lingerie is a bad investment. Please don’t drive when you’re not driving. Don’t feel compelled to tell us how all the people in your stories are related to one another: We’re just nodding, waiting for the punchline. The quarterback who just got pummeled isn’t trying to be brave. He’s just not crying. Big difference! When the waiter asks if everything’s okay, a simple ‘Yes’ is fine. It does not mean that is your chance to complain about the taste of the water and the salsa. What do you mean, ‘leering?’ She’s obstructing my view. When I ask, ‘How many guys have you slept with?’ It would be much appreciated if you did not answer honestly. When I’m turning the wheel and the car is nosing onto the off-ramp, saying ‘Oh, this is our exit, Honey’ is not really necessary. When you’re not around, I belch so loudly that I even appall myself. The temperature in the cave will be my responsibility. It will be slightly to moderately cooler than you want it. SportsCenter starts at 10:00 P.M. and runs one hour. This is an excellent time for you to pay bills, put laundry in the dryer, or talk to your sister. Is it too much to ask to have the bra match the underwear? If we see you in the morning and at night, why call us at work? You probably don’t want to know what we’re thinking about. It’s in neither your interest nor ours to take the Cosmo quiz together!
- My wife tripped and spilled the laundry basket all over the floor…I watched it all unfold!
- Your laundry is never 100% done unless you wash your clothes naked!
- Last night my missus and I had a huge fight about whose turn it was to do the laundry…Finally I folded!
- Wearing a pink tshirt for work today to raise awareness for people like me who forget to separate colours from whites in their laundry!
- Women complain about men using them only for sex as if sex is a bad thing. Sex is awesome. Start complaining when he starts using you for cooking, laundry and baby sitting while he is out having fun.
- I want a woman who can cook, clean, do the laundry, pay the bills & still set aside the time to have sex with me while her husbands at work
- I need to do laundry so bad I’m actually wearing Christmas stockings
- Thinking of getting another bed just for all my laundry
- I am constantly putting things where they don’t belong, like the cereal in the fridge or my keys in the laundry or my faith in other people.
- Every time I fold laundry I contemplate becoming a nudist. Then I remember what I look like naked and keep folding….
- A mate of mine just got a washing machine which is WiFi enabled.I told him not to let it on social media or it’ll air all his dirty laundry.
- Which US state has the highest laundry detergent usage?Washington.
- My wife and I had a huge argument as to whose turn it was to do laundry.Eventually, I folded.
- Why is Billy Joel’s laundry still wet?“He Didn’t Start The Dryer.”