Magician Jokes

A magician worked on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. The audience would be different each week, so the magician did the same tricks each week. However, there was a problem – the captain’s parrot saw the shows each week and began to understand how the magician did every trick. Once he understood, he started shouting out the secrets in the middle of the show: “Look, it’s not the same hat.” “Look, he is hiding the flowers under the table.” “Hey, why are all the cards the Ace of Spades?” The magician was furious but couldn’t do anything; it was, after all, the captain’s parrot. One day the ship had an accident and sank. The magician found himself, with the parrot, adrift on a piece of wood in the middle of the ocean. They stared at each other with hatred, but did not utter a word. This went on for a day, then another, and another. Finally, after a week the parrot said, “OK, I give up. Where the heck is the boat?”

Q: What do you call a dead magician’s assistant? A: An abracadaver.

Q: What did the fisherman say to the card magician? A: Pick a cod, any cod!

Magician A magician shows his agent his new act in which he makes 200 cigars appear out of thin air, takes a puff on each, and then swallows them one at a time until they’re all gone. “That’s amazing,” says the agent. “How do you manage to do it?” “Very simple,” says the magician. “I get the cigars wholesale from a cousin in Tampa.”

I come from a family of failed magicians… I have 2 half sisters!

A spanish magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3…He says, “Uno, dos…” and then poof… he disappeared without a tres!

Mexican magician: “I will disappear on the count of three. Ready? Uno, dos..” *poof* And just like that he vanished without a tres.

I’m a magician of sorts. I steal candy bars using sleight of hand. You could say I have a few Twix up my sleeve.

What do you call a Magician’s dog? A Labracadabrador.

My wife’s a magician. She can turn anything into an argument.

A magician was driving down the street… Then he turned into a driveway.

A Mexican magician tells his audience “I’ll disappear on the count of three.” He counts down “Uno..dos..” and he disappears without a tres.

BREAKING: Magicians’ assistants are more likely to lose their lives during the pandemic due to huge spikes in cases!

What do you call a magician who loses his magic??Ian.

What do you call a cute dog who’s a magician?A labracadabradorable.

What do you call a dog magician?A labracadabrador.

What do you call a Magician who lost his magic?ian.

A Mexican magician said he will disappear on the count of 3.He says Uno, Dos…. Poof.He disappeared without a tres.

What did the magician say to the fisherman?Pick a cod, any cod.

A Mexican magician said he will disappear on the count of 3.He says:Uno, Dos…Poof.He disappeared without a tres.