Money Jokes

Today I made my first money as a Programmer.I sold my laptop.

Did you hear about the ATM that got addicted to money?It suffered from withdrawals.

I spent all my cash renting a limo and it didn’t come with a driver.Wasted all that money and nothing to chauffeur it.

When my Dad was unemployed he used to hide money in the bushes in our garden…He went on to become a successful hedge fund manager.

If money doesn’t grow on trees, then why do banks have branches?

Well It’s 1 for the Money, 2 For the Show, 3 To Get Ready…..4 for Sales5 for Customer Services, or6 to hear these options again.

My wife says that I wasted money by ordering a 3-meter-wide frame for our wedding photo.Well I think she should look at the bigger picture.

I’m never again donating money to anyone collecting for a marathon.They just take the money and run.

Where does 007 invest his money?Bonds. Stocks and bonds.

What do you call a belt made of $100 bills?A waist of money.

I always carry a picture of my wife and kids in my wallet.I do it to remind myself why there is no money in there.

Women call me ugly until they find out how much money I make.Then they call me ugly and poor.

I taught my kids about democracy tonight by having them vote on which movie to watch and pizza to order.I then picked the movie and pizza because I’m the one with the money.

A guy broke into my house last night and was looking for money.So I got up and looked with him.

Did you hear about the ATM that was addicted to money?It suffered from withdrawals.

If money doesn’t grow on trees, then....why do banks have branches?