WHAT’S BLACK AND BLUE AND BROWN AND LAYING IN A DITCH? A brunette who’s told too many blonde jokes. WHAT DO YOU CALL GOING ON A BLIND DATE WITH A BRUNETTE? Brown-bagging it. WHAT’S THE REAL REASON A BRUNETTE KEEPS HER FIGURE? No one else wants it. WHY ARE SO MANY BLONDE JOKES ONE-LINERS ? So brunettes can remember them. WHAT DO YOU CALL A BRUNETTE IN A ROOM FULL OF BLONDES? Invisible. WHAT’S A BRUNETTE’S MATING CALL? “Has the blonde left yet? ” WHY IS THE BRUNETTE CONSIDERED AN EVIL COLOR? When was the last time you saw a blonde witch? WHAT DO BRUNETTES MISS MOST ABOUT A GREAT PARTY? The invitation WHAT DO YOU CALL A GOOD LOOKING MAN WITH A BRUNETTE? A hostage WHO MAKES BRAS FOR BRUNETTES? Fisher-Price WHY ARE BRUNETTES SO PROUD OF THEIR HAIR? It matches their moustache.
- Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack. You can be President. You can never be pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park. Car mechanics tell you the truth. The world is your urinal. You never have to drive to another service station restroom because this one is just too icky. You don’t have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Same work, more pay. Wrinkles add character. Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100. People never stare at your chest when you’re talking to them. New shoes don’t cut, blister, or mangle your feet. One mood all the time. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about tanks. A five-day holiday requires only one suitcase. You can open all your own jars. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend. Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. You almost never have strap problems in public. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. Everything on your face stays its original colour. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. You only have to shave your face and neck. You can play with toys all your life. One wallet and one pair of shoes — one colour for all seasons. You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look. You can ‘do’ your nails with a pocket knife. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a moustache. You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes. No wonder men are happier.
- Went Christmas shopping with the missus yesterday. Costa Coffee were offering a free cappuccino to anyone growing a moustache for ‘Movember’…She’s a jammy fucker!
- It’s weird. You offer someone a friendly compliment about their moustache and suddenly she’s not your friend anymore!
- A mate told me he’s shagging his girlfriend and her twin.I asked, “How can you tell them apart?”He said, “Her brother’s got a moustache and a cock!”
- I hate it when you offer someone a sincere compliment about their moustache, and suddenly… she’s not your friend anymore!
- I went to one of those Turkish baths on holiday…They shaved with razor-sharp blade below the neck line, snipped ear & nose hairs, waxed chest hairs & plucked all the arse crack hairs, finishing with a moustache trim & alcohol rub…Honestly, the wife’s never looked so good!
- My daughter said, “I hope you’re going to shave off that stupid moustache. It’s embarrassing!”I was stunned. It was the bravest thing I’ve ever heard anyone say to the wife!
- I really hate it when you offer someone a sincere compliment about their moustache, and then suddenly she’s not your friend anymore!
- Apparently it’s impossible to eat 4 dry crackers in one minute. Always being up for the challenge I gave it a go….I managed three and then choked on a plastic moustache!
- My wife said to me, “Darling, did you know that a handlebar moustache is actually supposed to be the next big fashion comeback of 2023?”“Well it looks really stupid,” I replied. “I wish you’d just shave it off!”
- I moustache you a question but I’m shavin’ it for later Sean Connery.
- When I was baptised the priest wore a false beard and moustache…It was a blessing in disguise!
- My wife said to me, “Darling, did you know that a handlebar moustache is actually supposed to be the next big fashion comeback of 2021?”“Well it looks really stupid,” I replied. “I wish you’d just shave it off!”