Musician Jokes

  • What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians? A drummer.

  • What do you call a musician with a college degree? Night manager at McDonalds.

  • Q: Why are bison such good musicians? A: They have fantastic horns.

  • Why was the musician arrested? He got in treble.

  • How do you reduce wind-drag on a musician’s car? Take the Domino’s Pizza sign off the roof

  • Maybe this is why they don’t teach music in high school any more. Following are actual answers from students on music tests… – The principal singer of nineteenth century opera was called pre-Madonna. – Gregorian chant has no music, just singers singing the same lines. – Sherbet composed the Unfinished Symphony. – All female parts were sung by castrati. We don’t know exactly what they sounded like because there are no known descendants. – Young scholars have expressed their rapture for the Bronze Lullaby, the Taco Bell Cannon, Beethoven’s Erotica, Tchaikovsky Cracknutter Suite, and Gershwin’s Rap City in Blue. – Music sung by two people at the same time is called a duel; if they sing without music it is called Acapulco. – A virtuoso is a musician with real high morals. – Contralto is a low sort of music that only ladies sing. – Probably the most marvelous fugue was the one between the Hatfields and the McCoys. – I know what a sextet is but I’d rather not say. – Johann Sebastian Bach wrote a great many musical compositions and had a large number of children. In between he practiced on an old spinster which he kept up in his attic. – Rock Monanoff was a famous post-romantic composer of piano concerti.

  • One night at Club Chintz, the mindreader closes her set by reading the mind of the each of the musicians in the band. First, she reads the mind of the lead guitarist: “Wow, look at all the cute chicks who showed up tonight! I bet they’re all here to see me. Good crowd!” Then the drummer: “Look at that crowd! With this many people in the house, we’re going to make good money tonight!” Then the Keyboard player: “Yeesh, look at that crowd. None of them will ever truly appreciate all of my talent. What a bunch of losers.” Finally, the Bass player: “E E E E E E E E A A A A A A A A E E E E E E E E…”

  • Q: Why was the musician arrested? A: He got in treble.

  • My friend is a locksmith and a part time musician… He’s just written a song which has a lovely key change!

  • I was the first ever person to install trampolines on musicians tour buses…Now everybody is jumping on the bandwagon!

  • I sent my son to his room for saying Jim Morrison was a terrible musician.He keeps slamming The Doors.

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