A woman was found guilty in traffic court and when asked for her occupation she said she was a schoolteacher. The judge rose from the bench. “Madam, I have waited years for a schoolteacher to appear before this court.” He smiled with delight. “Now sit down at that table and write ‘I will not run a red light’ five hundred times.”
- A young man dies and goes to Heaven, where he finds he is third in line at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter is taking a much-needed break, so an angel is admitting the newly arrived to Heaven. The angel tells the three new arrivals that because so many drug dealers and other criminals have managed to sneak into Heaven that St. Peter must now be a little stricter with the screening process. Each person is required to state his former occupation and tell his or her yearly salary. The first man in line says, “I was an actor, and I earned $1 million last year.” The angel says, “Okay, you may enter.” He turns to the woman in line and asks her about her life. She states, “I earned $150,000 as an attorney.” The angel thinks for a moment and then lets her in, too. He turns to the third one in line and asks, “What have you done with your life?” The man replies, “I earned $8,000 last year . . .” “Oh,” the angel interrupts. “What did you teach?”
- A German got pulled over by the police in France. Police officer: “Name?” German: “Heinrich Klimt” Police officer: “Age?” German: “31” Police officer: “occupation?” German: “No, no. Just visiting”
- My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We’ll see about that.
- Putin visits Estonia.Immigration officer says: Name?. Vladimir Vladimirovich Putin.Address? Kremlin, Moscow, Russia.Occupation? No, this time just visiting.
- My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance.We’ll see about that.
- Vladimir Putin is at an airport and is going through customs.Customs officer: Occupation?Putin: No, just visiting.