The blonde walks into a pharmacy and asks the assistant for some bottom deodorant. The pharmacist, a little bemused, explains to the woman that they don’t sell bottom deodorant, and never have. Unfazed, the blonde assures the pharmacist that she has been buying the stuff from this store on a regular basis, and would like some more. “I’m sorry,” says the pharmacist, “we don’t have any.” “But I always get it here,” says the blonde. “Do you have the container it comes in?” “Yes!” said the blonde, “I will go and get it.” She returns with the container and hands it to the chemist who looks at it and says to her, “This is just a normal stick of underarm deodorant.” The annoyed blonde snatches the container back and reads out loud from the container, “To apply, push up bottom.”
- A man with a winking problem is applying for a position as a sales representative for a large firm. The interviewer looks over his papers and says, “This is phenomenal. You’ve graduated from the best schools; your recommendations are wonderful, and your experience is unparalleled. Normally, we’d hire you without a second thought. However, a sales representative has a highly visible position, and we’re afraid that your constant winking will scare off potential customers. I’m sorry….we can’t hire you.” “But wait,” he said. “If I take two aspirin, I’ll stop winking!” “Really? Great! Show me!” So the applicant reaches into his jacket pocket and begins pulling out all sorts of condoms: red condoms, blue condoms, ribbed condoms, flavored condoms; finally, at the bottom, he finds a packet of aspirin. He tears it open, swallows the pills, and stops winking. “Well,” said the interviewer, “that’s all well and good, but this is a respectable company, and we will NOT have our employees womanizing all over the country!” “Womanizing? What do you mean? I’m a happily married man!” “Well then, how do you explain all these condoms?” “Oh,” he sighed. “Have you ever walked into a pharmacy, winking, and asked for aspirin?”
- 10. Your Viagra prescription includes a Popsicle stick and some duct tape. 9. The only 100% covered expense is embalming. 8. Your Prozac comes in colors and has little “m”s on each pill. 7. Preventive Care Coverage includes “an apple a day”. 6. Your primary care physician is wearing the pants you gave to Goodwill last month. 5. The Lone Star Bar and Grill is an approved pharmacy. 4. The only proctologist lists his address as Rotorooter. 3. The tongue depressors taste faintly of Fudgesicles. 2. Directions to the Dr.’s office include “Take a left when you enter the trailer park”. 1. The annual breast exam is conducted at Hooter’s
- INFORMATION YOU NEED TO HELP YOU CHOOSE YOUR NEXT HEALTH PLAN .. Q. What does HMO stand for? A. This is actually a variation of the phrase, “HEY MOE.” Its roots go back to a concept pioneered by Moe of the Three Stooges,who discovered that a patient could be made to forget about the pain in his foot if he was poked hard enough in the eyes. Q. I just joined an HMO. How difficult will it be to choose the doctor I want? A. Just slightly more difficult than choosing your parents. Your insurer will provide you with a book listing all the doctors in the plan. These doctors basically fall into two categories — those who are no longer accepting new patients, and those who will see you but are no longer participating in the plan. But don’t worry; the remaining doctor who is still in the plan and accepting new patients has an office just a half-day’s drive away and has a diploma from a Third World Country. Q. Do all diagnostic procedures require pre-certification? A. No. Only those you need. Q. Can I get coverage for my preexisting conditions? A Certainly, as long as they don’t require any treatment. Q. What happens if I want to try alternative forms of medicine? A. You’ll need to find alternative forms of payment. Q. My pharmacy plan only covers generic drugs, but I need the name brand. I tried the Generic Medication, but it gave me a stomachache. What should I do? A. Poke yourself in the eye. Q. What if I’m away from home and I get sick? A. You really shouldn’t do that. Q. I think I need to see a specialist, but my doctor insists he can handle my problem. Can a general practitioner really perform a heart transplant right in his office? A. Hard to say, but considering that all you’re risking is the $15 co-payment, there’s no harm in giving him a shot at it.
- January – Took her new scarf back to the store because it was too tight. February – Couldn’t work in a pharmacy because the bottles wouldn’t fit into the typewriter. March – Got excited when she finished a jigsaw puzzle in 6 months because the box said “2-4 years.” April – Was trapped on an escalator for hours when the power went out. May – Couldn’t make Kool-Aid because 8 cups of water won’t fit into those little packets. June – Couldn’t learn to water ski because she couldn’t find a lake with a slope. July – After losing in a breast stroke swimming competition, complained to the judges that the other swimmers were using their arms. August – Told her blonde friend to hurry when trying to get into their locked car using a coat hanger because it was starting to rain and the top was down. September – When asked what the capital of California was: answered “C.” October – Hates M &M;’s because they are so hard to peel. November – Baked a turkey for 4 days because the instructions said 1 hour per pound and she weighed 120. December – Couldn’t call 911 because there was no “11” on any of the phone buttons.
- Two young boys walk into a pharmacy one day, pick out a box of Tampax and proceed to the checkout counter. The man at the counter asks the older boy, “Son, how old are you?” “Eight,” the boy replies. The man continues, “Do you know what these are used fo r? “Not exactly,” the boy says. “But they aren’t for me. They’re for him. He’s my brother. He’s four. We saw on TV that if you use these you would be able to swim and ride a bike. Right now he can’t do either one.”
- January – Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight. February – Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels……Helllloooo!!!…..bottles won’t fit in printer! March – Got really excited…..finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months…..box said “2-4 years!” April – Trapped on escalator for hours ? power went out!!! May – Tried to make Kool-Aid…..wrong instructions….8 cups of water won’t fit into those little packets!!! June – Tried to go water skiing…..couldn’t find a lake with a slope. July – Lost breast stroke swimming competition…..learned later, the other swimmers cheated, they used their arms!!! August – Got locked out of my car in rain storm….car swamped because soft-top was open. September – The capital of California is “C”….isn’t it? October – Hate M & M’s…..they are so hard to peel. November – Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days. Instructions said 1 hour per pound – I weigh 108!! December – Couldn’t call 911…. “duh”….there’s no “eleven” button on the stupid phone!
- Two young boys walked into a pharmacy one day, picked out a box of tampons and proceeded to the checkout counter. The man at the counter asked the older boy, ‘Son, how old are you?’ ‘Eight’, the boy replied. The man continued, ‘Do you know what these are used for?’ The boy replied, ‘Not exactly, but they aren’t for me. They’re for him. He’s my brother. He’s four. We saw on TV that if you use these, you would be able to swim, play tennis and ride a bike. Right now, he can’t do none of those’.
- Dude walks into a pharmacy laughing hysterically, orders 2 condoms, still laughing, pays the pharmacist and walks out laughing. The pharmacist is perplexed but doesn’t give it a second thought. The next day the same guy walks in laughing hysterically, orders 2 condoms, still laughing, pays the pharmacist and walks out laughing. The pharmacist remembers the day before and starts to wonder what’s up but not for too long because he has work to do.The next day the same guy walks in laughing hysterically, orders 2 condoms, still laughing, pays the pharmacist and walks out laughing. Now the pharmacist is intrigued as to what is going on with this guy so he arranges with his assistant to follow the guy and find out where he is going, should the man return. Wouldn’t you know it, The same guy comes back the next day, laughing hysterically, orders 2 condoms, still laughing, pays the pharmacist and walks out laughing. The assistant followed him as per his orders and came back 20 minutes later. The eager pharmacist asked his assistant where the man went? The assistant said: “Your house.”
- Two young boys walked into a pharmacy one day, picked out a box of tampons and proceeded to the checkout counter. The man at the counter asked the older boy, “Son, how old are you?” “Eight,” the boy replied. The man continued, “Do you know what these are used for?” The boy replied, “Not exactly, but they aren’t for me. They’re for him. He’s my brother. He’s four. We saw on TV that if you use these, you would be able to swim and ride a bike. Right now, he can’t do either one.
- Mr. Johnson had been retired for a year when his wife of 50 years suggested they take a cruise: “We could go somewhere for a week, and make wild love like we did when we were young!” He thought it over and agreed. He put on his hat and went down to the pharmacy, where he bought a bottle of seasick pills and a box of condoms. Upon returning home, his wife said, “I’ve been thinking. There’s no reason we can’t go for a month.” So Mr. Johnson went back to the pharmacy and asked for 12 bottles of seasick pills and a box of condoms. When he returned, his wife said, “You know, since the children are on their own, what’s stopping us from cruising the world?” So back to the pharmacy Mr. Johnson went, and he brought 297 bottles of seasick pills and the same amount of condoms up to the counter. The pharmacist finally had to ask. “You know, Mr. Johnson, you have been doing business with me for over 30 years. I certainly don’t mean to pry, but if it makes you that sick, why the hell do you do it?”
- A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles. The salesgirl notices him and asks if she can help him. He answers that he looking for a box of tampons for his wife. She directs down the correct aisle. A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls on the counter. She says, confused, “Sir, I thought you were looking for tampons for your wife?” “You see it’s like this. Yesterday, I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of Cigarettes and she came home with a tin of tobacco and some rolling paper. So, I figure, if I have to roll my own, SO DOES SHE!”
Lily went to a nearby pharmacy to buy her partner some deodorant.
A salesclerk comes up to her and asks what she’s looking for.
“I’m looking for some deodorant for my boyfriend, but I don’t know what kind he uses.”
“Is it the ball type?”
“No,” she replied. “It’s for his armpits.”
A woman walks into her local pharmacy and approaches the pharmacist and tells him she wants to know more about ‘the little blue pill’
Woman: “does it work?”
Woman:”is it expensive?”
Pharmacist: “a little”
Woman: “can you get it over the counter?”
Pharmacist:”If I take two!”
If you bought rohypnol from a pharmacy, would it have Best Before Date printed on it?
I went to the pharmacy to get some condoms
Pharmacist: You want a bag?
Me: No thanks, she isn’t that ugly
- A duck walks into a pharmacy and says “Give me some chap-stick… and put it on my bill”
- I went to the local pharmacy and asked the pharmacist if they sold Benylin?“For cough?” he said.“Alright mate I only fucking asked!”
- I went into the pharmacy and asked the assistant, What is the best thing for killing germs?Ammonia cleaner. She replied. I said, Sorry, I thought you worked here.