The amount of stuff coming out of this woman’s handbag as she searched for her keys, I wouldn’t be surprised if that missing Malaysian plane is in there too.
- If running on a treadmill was the only way to recharge our phones we would be the healthiest mofos on the planet.
- “I don’t really know my best position. left, right or center” “Wayne, just get on the fcuking plane and pick an aisle will you.”
- You always know when your girlfriend is too young for you, when you have to make the aeroplane noise when you stick your d*ck in her mouth!
- I have come up with a truly fantastic business idea for Malaysia Airlines. A new slogan! “Leaving on a jet plane, don’t know if I’ll be back again.”
- Life Pro Tip: Putting your phone in airplane mode will stop ads while you play.
- I’m going to carry on drinking, smoking, and having unprotected sex. Recent figures show that you are more likely to die in a plane crash.
- Fighter plane escorts a passenger jet in to Manchester airport as the pilot reported a suspicious item on board. The United team bringing back a trophy this season.
- I’m all for saving the planet, but recycling jokes doesn’t help…
- I often wonder if idiots who rush to be first in the boarding line know that the plane is going to leave at the same time for all of us.
- Oh you wear sunglasses inside? lt must be sunny on planet cool.
- Come one Southwest Airlines…either train your pilots how to navigate a plane well enough to land at the right airport or allow the pilot’s wife to ride along so she can make sure he doesn’t land a jumbo jet at a small county airport.
- Looks like Southwest Airlines needs to install a GPS Tomtom in the planes so their pilots don’t get lost.
- My wife’s leaving me because she thinks I’m obsessed with astronomy. What planet is she on?
- How do you organise a space party?You planet.
- A cat hijacked a plane, stuck a pistol to the pilots ribs and said “TAKE ME TO THE CANARIES!”
- Woman sitting next to a man on a plane, every time he sneezes he wipes his cock, after the 3rd time the woman speaks to him.Woman: Do you mind? Man: Oh sorry, I have a condition every time I sneeze I ejaculate. Woman: Oh, sorry, are you taking anything for it? Man: Yes, pepper!
- I’m making a new documentary series on how to fly an airplane.We are currently filming the pilot.
- I tried to carry my oversized board game onto the plane, but I wasn’t allowed.They said the Risk was too big.
- I went skydiving today for the first time. This guy strapped himself to me, we jumped out of the Plane and as we plummeted , he said:So , how long have you been an Instructor?
- How do you organise a space party?Planet.,
- What do you call an airplane full of bald people?Receding Airlines.
- I was on a plane, and the air hostess came up to me and saidWould you care for an orange juice?I replied if it needed me to.
- How do flat earthers travel the world?On a plane.
- If the scientists throw a party, the chemists bring the booze, the engineer sets up a beer pong table, and the botanist brings the weed. What does the astronomer do?Planet.
- My friend has designed an invisible aeroplane.I can’t see it taking off.
- My wife says she’s leaving me as she thinks I’m too obsessed with astronomy.What planet is she on?
- If we are to be serious about saving the planet, we should stop printing calendars.They’re the reason our days are numbered.
- I’m making a new documentary on how to fly a plane.We’re currently filming the pilot.
- My friend has designed an invisible aeroplane.I can’t see it taking off.