Plane Jokes

If running on a treadmill was the only way to recharge our phones we would be the healthiest mofos on the planet.

“I don’t really know my best position. left, right or center” “Wayne, just get on the fcuking plane and pick an aisle will you.”

You always know when your girlfriend is too young for you, when you have to make the aeroplane noise when you stick your d*ck in her mouth!

I have come up with a truly fantastic business idea for Malaysia Airlines. A new slogan! “Leaving on a jet plane, don’t know if I’ll be back again.”

Life Pro Tip: Putting your phone in airplane mode will stop ads while you play.

I’m going to carry on drinking, smoking, and having unprotected sex. Recent figures show that you are more likely to die in a plane crash.

Fighter plane escorts a passenger jet in to Manchester airport as the pilot reported a suspicious item on board. The United team bringing back a trophy this season.

I’m all for saving the planet, but recycling jokes doesn’t help…

I often wonder if idiots who rush to be first in the boarding line know that the plane is going to leave at the same time for all of us.

Oh you wear sunglasses inside? lt must be sunny on planet cool.

Come one Southwest Airlines…either train your pilots how to navigate a plane well enough to land at the right airport or allow the pilot’s wife to ride along so she can make sure he doesn’t land a jumbo jet at a small county airport.

Looks like Southwest Airlines needs to install a GPS Tomtom in the planes so their pilots don’t get lost.

My wife’s leaving me because she thinks I’m obsessed with astronomy. What planet is she on?

How do you organise a space party?You planet.

A cat hijacked a plane, stuck a pistol to the pilots ribs and said “TAKE ME TO THE CANARIES!”

Woman sitting next to a man on a plane, every time he sneezes he wipes his cock, after the 3rd time the woman speaks to him.Woman: Do you mind? Man: Oh sorry, I have a condition every time I sneeze I ejaculate. Woman: Oh, sorry, are you taking anything for it? Man: Yes, pepper!

I’m making a new documentary series on how to fly an airplane.We are currently filming the pilot.

I tried to carry my oversized board game onto the plane, but I wasn’t allowed.They said the Risk was too big.

I went skydiving today for the first time. This guy strapped himself to me, we jumped out of the Plane and as we plummeted , he said:So , how long have you been an Instructor?

How do you organise a space party?Planet.,

What do you call an airplane full of bald people?Receding Airlines.

I was on a plane, and the air hostess came up to me and saidWould you care for an orange juice?I replied if it needed me to.

How do flat earthers travel the world?On a plane.

If the scientists throw a party, the chemists bring the booze, the engineer sets up a beer pong table, and the botanist brings the weed. What does the astronomer do?Planet.

My friend has designed an invisible aeroplane.I can’t see it taking off.

My wife says she’s leaving me as she thinks I’m too obsessed with astronomy.What planet is she on?

If we are to be serious about saving the planet, we should stop printing calendars.They’re the reason our days are numbered.

I’m making a new documentary on how to fly a plane.We’re currently filming the pilot.

My friend has designed an invisible aeroplane.I can’t see it taking off.