Raven Jokes

Bill had always been a prankster. As each of his friends were married, Bill made sure some type of practical joke was played upon them. Now ready to be married himself, he was dreading the payback he knew was coming. Surprisingly, the ceremony went off without a hitch. No one stood up during the pause to offer a reason ‘why this couple should not be married’. His reception wasn’t disrupted by streakers or strippers, and the car the couple was to take on their honeymoon was in perfect working order. When the couple arrived at their hotel and entered the room, Bill even checked for cornflakes in the bed (a gag he had always loved). Nothing, it seemed, was amiss. Satisfied that he had come away unscathed, the couple fell into bed and put their attention to consummating the union. Upon waking after such an active night, the couple was ravenous so Bill called down to room service and asked “Can I get breakfast for two?”. Before he was able to hang up, however, a soft voice from under the bed said “Make that five…”

A man was laying on his back and fell asleep on the beach under the noon day sun. He suffered a severe sunburn to his legs. He was taken to the hospital. His skin had turned a bright red and was very painful and had started to blister. Anything that touched his legs caused agony. The doctor prescribed continued intravenous feedings of water and electrolytes, a mild sedative and Viagra. Rather astounded, the nurse inquired, “What good will Viagra do him in that condition?” The doctor replied, “It will keep the sheets off of his legs.”

As I rowed my little boatToward the river shore,A small black bird kept me from landing,Quoth the raven, “never moor.”

The English language has some wonderfully anthropomorphic collective nouns for the various groups of animals. We are all familiar with a Herd of cows, a Flock of chickens, a School of fish and a Gaggle of geese. However, less widely known is a Pride of lions, a Murder of crows (as well as their cousins the rooks and ravens), an Exaltation of doves and, presumably because they look so wise, a Parliament of owls. Now consider a group of Baboons. They are the loudest, most dangerous, most obnoxious, most viciously aggressive and least intelligent of all primates. And what is the proper collective noun for a group of baboons????? Believe it or not ……. a Congress , that much explains the things that come out of Washington.

Bill had always been a prankster. As each of his friends were married, Bill made sure some type of practical joke was played upon them. Now ready to be married himself, he was dreading the payback he knew was coming. Surprisingly, the ceremony went off without a hitch. No one stood up during the pause to offer a reason ‘why this couple should not be married’. His reception wasn’t disrupted by streakers or smoke-bombs, and the car the couple was to take on their honeymoon was in perfect working order. When the couple arrived at their hotel and entered the room, Bill even checked for cornflakes in the bed (a gag he had always loved). Nothing, it seemed, was amiss. Satisfied that he had come away unscathed, the couple fell into bed. Upon waking, the couple was ravenous so Bill called down to room service and asked, “I’d like to order breakfast for two.” At that moment, a soft voice from under the bed said, “Make that five.”

New Math Ratio of an igloo’s circumference to its diameter: Eskimo Pi 2000 pounds of Chinese soup: Won ton Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement: 1 bananosecond Weight an evangelist carries with God: 1 billigram Half of a large intestine: 1 semicolon 1000 aches: 1 kilohurtz Basic unit of laryngitis: 1 hoarsepower 1 million microphones: 1 megaphone 2000 mockingbirds: two kilomockingbirds (work on it….) 52 cards: 1 decacards 3 statute miles of intravenous surgical tubing at Yale University Hospital: 1 I.V. League