Refrigerator Jokes

– Your sister’s a real knock-out. Is one of you adopted? – For the longest time I lived with a hairdresser named Bruce, but then I had this sudden relapse of heterosexuality. – When we get back to my apartment, whatever you do, don’t tease the pony. – You know, if my wife wasn’t so hung up on this faithfulness thing, she’d probably say you were my cutest girlfriend yet. – I had to break up with my last girlfriend. She welded a coat- hanger to the metal plate in my head and was using it as antenna to read my thoughts. – No, really, I read Playboy for the articles. – My most painful memory? Hmmm… That would have to be when those three guys cornered me in the showers in prison. – I’m not free Sunday. I’m going to help OJ look for the real killer. – How about after dinner we take a romantic stroll by the oil refinery? The fumes will give you a really cool buzz. – Now I’m just speaking hypothetically here, but let’s say you were at some guy’s house, opened the refrigerator, and saw a human head. Would you call the cops? – I was thinking tonight we’d go to a French restaurant. Have you ever been to Jacques En Ze Box? – I always wanted to be a doctor, but I couldn’t get into med school, so now I just pursue gynecology as a hobby. I even have my own stirrups.

The efficiency expert concluded his lecture with a note of caution. “You don’t want to try these techniques at home.” “Why not?” asked someone from the back of the audience. “I watched my wife’s routine at breakfast for years,” the expert explained. “She made lots of trips to the refrigerator, stove, table and cabinets, often carrying just a single item at a time. ‘Hon,’ I suggested, ‘Why don’t you try carrying several things at once?’” The voice from the back asked, “Did it save time?” The expert replied, “Actually, yes. It used to take her twenty minutes to get breakfast ready. Now I do it in seven

Q: Why did the boy close his eyes before opening the refrigerator? A: He didn’t want to see the salad dressing.

A housewife acquired a pet rabbit and taught it to do all kinds of tricks. She noticed, however, that the animal was very self-conscious and wouldn’t perform any time it was being observed, which defeated the purpose of teaching it to do tricks in the first place. If she walked into the room when the rabbit was in the middle of a trick, it would immediately stop. The woman solved the problem by concealing a video camera behind the refrigerator and filming its tricks. She showed the tape to her all friends, except for the neighbor across the street who were on vacation and missed the show. One afternoon, the lady had to fetch something from the room where the rabbit was kept. She opened the door, and immediately the rabbit cut short a cartwheel and cowered in the corner, refusing to do any more tricks. Just then, the neighbor across the street, who had returned from vacation, knocked on the door. “I understand you have a pet rabbit that does tricks?” she said. “You’ll have to settle for video tape,” the lady replied, “because I’ve just watched my hare, and I can’t do a thing with it.”

Why did the boy close his eyes before opening the refrigerator? He didn’t want to see the salad dressing.

A couple had only been married for two weeks and the husband, although very much in love, couldn’t wait to go out on the town and party with his old buddies. So, he said to his new wife, “Honey, I’ll be right back.” “Where are you going, Coochy Coo?” asked the wife. “I’m going to the bar, Pretty Face,” he answered. I’m going to have a beer.” The wife said, “You want a beer, my love?” She opened the door to the refrigerator and showed him 25 different kinds of beer, brands ! from 12 different countries: Germany,Holland, Japan, India, etc. The husband didn’t know what to do, and the only thing that he could think of saying was, “Yes, Lollipop… but at the bar… You know… they have frozen glasses… ” He didn’t get to finish the sentence, because the wife interrupted him by saying, “You want a frozen glass, Puppy Face?” She took a huge beer mug out of the freezer, so frozen that she was getting chills just holding it. The husband, looking a bit pale, said, “Yes, Tootsie Roll, but at the bar they have those hors d’oeuvres that are really delicious… I won’t be long. I’ll be right back. I promise. OK?” “You want hors d’oeuvres, Poochie Pooh?” She opened the oven and took out 5 dishes of different hors d’oeuvres: chicken wings, pigs in blankets, mushroom caps, and little quiches. “But my sweet honey… at the bar…. you know there’s swearing, dirty words and all that…” “You want dirty words, Cutie Pie? LISTEN UP CHICKEN SH*T! SIT YOU’RE A$$ DOWN, SHUT THE HE@# UP, DRINK YOUR BEER IN YOUR FROZEN MUG AND EAT YOUR HORS D’OEUVRES BECAUSE YOUR MARRIED A$$ ISN’T GOING TO A DAMNED BAR! THAT SH*T IS OVER, GOT IT, JACKA$$?” and…they lived happily ever after. Isn’t that a sweet story? —

So this isn’t Home Sweet Home … Adjust! Ring bell for maid service. If no answer, do it yourself! I clean house every other day. Today is the other day. If you write in the dust, please don’t date it! I would cook dinner but I can’t find the can opener! A clean kitchen is the sign of a wasted life. My house was clean last week, too bad you missed it! I came, I saw, I decided to order take out. If you don’t like my standards of cooking …lower your standards. Although you’ll find our house a mess, Come in, sit down, converse. It doesn’t always look like this: Some days it’s even worse. A messy kitchen is a happy kitchen, and this kitchen is delirious. A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand! Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator. Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to be amused. Countless number of people have eaten in this kitchen and gone on to lead normal lives. My next house will have no kitchen … just vending machines. I’d live life in the fast lane, but I am married to a speed bump. Mother does not live here any more, clean up your own mess. Martha Stewart doesn’t live here!!

Finally, a way to know what to pitch and what to save! THE GAG TEST Anything that makes you gag is spoiled (except for leftovers from what you cooked for yourself last night). EGGS When something starts pecking its way out of the shell, the egg is probably past its prime. DAIRY PRODUCTS Milk is spoiled when it starts to look like yogurt. Yogurt is spoiled when it starts to look like cottage cheese. Cottage cheese is spoiled when it starts to look like regular cheese. Regular cheese is nothing but spoiled milk anyway and can’t get any more spoiled than it is already. Cheddar cheese is spoiled when you think it is blue cheese but you realize you’ve never purchased that kind. MAYONNAISE If it makes you violently ill after you eat it, the mayonnaise is spoiled. FROZEN FOODS Frozen foods that have become an integral part of the defrosting problem in your freezer compartment will probably be spoiled – (or wrecked anyway) by the time you pry them out with a kitchen knife. EXPIRATION DATES This is NOT a marketing ploy to encourage you to throw away perfectly good food so that you’ll spend more on groceries. Perhaps you’d benefit by having a calender in your kitchen. MEAT If opening the refrigerator door causes stray animals from a three-block radius to congregate outside your house, the meat is spoiled. BREAD Sesame seeds and Poppy seeds are the only officially acceptable “spots” that should be seen on the surface of any loaf of bread. Fuzzy and hairy looking white or green growth areas are a good indication that your bread has turned into a pharmaceutical laboratory experiment. FLOUR Flour is spoiled when it wiggles. SALT It never spoils. CEREAL It is generally a good rule of thumb that cereal should be discarded when it is two years or longer beyond the expiration date. LETTUCE Bibb lettuce is spoiled when you can’t get it off the bottom of the vegetable crisper without Comet. Romaine lettuce is spoiled when it turns liquid. CANNED GOODS Any canned goods that have become the size or shape of a softball should be disposed of. Carefully. CARROTS A carrot that you can tie a clove hitch in is not fresh. RAISINS Raisins should not be harder than your teeth. POTATOES Fresh potatoes do not have roots, branches, or dense, leafy undergrowth. CHIP DIP If you can take it out of its container and bounce it on the floor, it has gone bad. EMPTY CONTAINERS Putting empty containers back into the refrigerator is an old trick, but it only works if you live with someone or have a maid. UNMARKED ITEMS You know it is well beyond prime when you’re tempted to discard the Tupperware along with the food. Generally speaking, Tupperware containers should not burp when you open them. GENERAL RULE OF THUMB Most food cannot be kept longer than the average life span of a hamster. Keep a hamster in or nearby your refrigerator to gauge this.

Q: If an elephant and a giraffe had a race, who would win? A: The elephant. The giraffe is in the refrigerator.

70-year-old George went for his annual physical. All of his tests came back with normal results. Dr. Smith said, “George, everything looks great physically. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with yourself, and do you have a good relationship with your God?” George replied, “God and me are very close. He knows I have poor eyesight, so he’s fixed it so that when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom (poof!) the light goes on when I pee, and then (poof!) the light goes off when I’m done.” “Wow,” commented Dr. Smith, “that’s incredible!” A little later in the day Dr. Smith called George’s wife. “Thelma,” he said, “George is just fine. Physically he’s great, but I had to call because I’m in awe of his relationship with God. Is it true that he gets up during the night and (poof!) the light goes on in the bathroom, and then (poof!) the light goes off?” Thelma exclaimed, “That old fool! He’s peeing in the refrigerator again!”

How do you put an elephant in a refrigerator? Step one: Open the door. Step two: Put the elephant in. Step three: Close the door.

1. If you’re too open minded, your brains will fall out. 2. Age is a very high price to pay for maturity. 3. Going to a mosque doesn’t make you a Muslim any more than going to a garage makes you a mechanic. 4. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity. 5. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you’ve never tried before. 6. My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance. 7. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious. 8. It is easier to get forgiveness than permission. 9. For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program. 10. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip. 11. Bills travel faster through the mail than checks. 12. A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good. 13. Eat well, stay fit, die anyway. 14. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it. 15. No husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes. 16. A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand. 17. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places. 18. Opportunities always look bigger going than coming. 19. Junk is something you’ve kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it. 20. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on. 21. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it. 22. By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends. 23. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator. 24. Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world. 25. Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to be amused.

a.. Age is a very high price to pay for maturity. b.. Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you a mechanic. c.. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity. d.. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. e.. A closed mouth gathers no feet. f.. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you’ve never tried before. g.. My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance. h.. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious i.. It is easier to get forgiveness than permission. j.. For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program. k.. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip. l.. Always yield to temptation, because it may not pass your way again. m.. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks. n.. A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good. o.. Eat well, stay fit–die anyway. p.. No husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes. q.. A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand. r.. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places. s.. Opportunities always look bigger going than coming. t.. Junk is something you throw away three weeks before you need it. u.. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on. v.. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again. w.. By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends. x.. Thou shalt not weigh more than the refrigerator. y.. I believe the only time the world beats a path to my door is when I’m in the bathroom. z.. Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to be amused.

We are sick and tired of hearing about how dumb people in the South are. We challenge any so-called smart Yankee to take this exam administered by the University of Arkansas Engineering Department: 1. Calculate the smallest limb diameter on a persimmon tree that will support a 10-pound possum. 2. Which of these cars will rust out the quickest when placed on blocks in your front yard? A ’65 Ford Fairlane, a ’69 Chevrolet Chevelle or a ’64 Pontiac GTO. 3. If your uncle builds a still which operates at a capacity of 20 gallons of shine produced per hour, how many car radiators are required to condense the finished product? 4. A woodcutter has a chainsaw which operates at 2700 RPM. The density of the pine trees in the plot to be harvested is 470 per acre. The plot is 2.3 acres in size. The average tree diameter is 14 inches. — — How many Budweisers will be drunk before the trees are cut down? 5. If every old refrigerator in the state vented it’s charge of R-12 simultaneously, what would be the percentage decrease in the ozone layer? 6. A front porch is constructed of 2×8 pine on 24-inch centers with a field rock foundation. The span is 8 feet and the porch length is 16 feet. The porch floor is 1-inch rough sawn pine. When the porch collapses, how many hound dogs will be killed? 7. A man owns a Tennessee house and 3.7 acres of land in a hollow with an average slope of 15%. The man has five children. Can each of his grown children place a mobile home on the man’s land and still have enough property for their electric appliances to sit out on the front porch? 8. A 2-ton truck is overloaded and proceeding 900 yards down a steep slope on a secondary road at 45 MPH. The brakes fail. Given average traffic conditions on secondary roads, what is the probability that the truck will strike a vehicle with a muffler? 9. A coal mine operates a NFPA Class 1, Division 2 Hazardous Area. The mine employs 120 miners per shift. A gas warning is issued at the beginning of th 3rd shift. How many cartons of unfiltered Camels will be smoked during that shift? 10. At a reduction in the gene pool variability rate of 7.5% per generation, how long will it take a town which has been bypassed by the Interstate to breed a country-western singer? O.K. — all you smarties answer up!

Panicking when her toddler swallowing a tiny magnet; my sister, Betty, rushed him to the emergency room. “He’ll be fine,” the doctor promised her. “The magnet should pass through his system in a day or two.” “How will I be sure?” she pressed. “Well,” the doctor suggested, “you could stick him on the refrigerator. When he falls off, you’ll know.”

This is a test for Intelligent People. I have determined that you qualify. The following short quiz consists of 4 questions and will tell you if you are qualified to be a professional. Scroll down for each answer. The questions are NOT that difficult. But don’t scroll down UNTIL you have answered the question! 1. How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator? The correct answer is: Open the refrigerator, put in the giraffe, and close the door. This question tested whether you tend to do simple things In an overly complicated way. 2. How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator? Did you say, Open the refrigerator, Put in the elephant, And close the Refrigerator? Wrong Answer. Correct Answer: Open the refrigerator, take out the giraffe, Put in the elephant and close the door. This tested your ability to think through the repercussions of your previous actions. 3. The Lion King is hosting an animal conference. All the animals attend….except one. Which animal does not attend? Correct Answer: The Elephant. The elephant is in the refrigerator. You just put him in there. This tested your memory. Okay, even if you did not answer the first three questions correctly, You still have one more chance to show your true abilities. 4. There is a river you must cross but it is used by crocodiles, and you do not have a boat. How do you manage? Correct Answer: You jump into the river and swim across. Have you not been listening? All the crocodiles are attending the animal conference. This tested whether you learn quickly from your mistakes. According to Anderson Consulting Worldwide, around 90% of the professionals they tested got all questions wrong, but many preschoolers got several correct answers. AndersonConsulting says this conclusively disproves the theory that most professionals have the brains of a four-year-old.

Husband’s note on refrigerator for wife: Someone from the Gyna Colleges called. They said the Pabst beer is normal. I didn’t know you liked beer.

1. If you’re too open minded, your brains will fall out. 2. Age is a very high price to pay for maturity. 3. Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you a mechanic. 4. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity. 5. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you’ve never tried before. 6. My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance. 7. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious. 8. It is easier to get forgiveness than permission. 9. For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program. 10. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip. 11. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks. 12. A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good. 13. Eat well, stay fit, die anyway. 14. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it. 15. No husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes. 16. A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand. 17. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places. 18. Opportunities always look bigger going than coming. 19. Junk is something you’ve kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it. 20. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on. 21. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again. 22. By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends. 23. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator. 24. Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world. 25. Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to be amused.

Why did the little refrigerator salute the big refrigerator? Because he was General Electric.

A man boarded an airplane in New Orleans with a box of frozen crab. A female crew member took the box and promised to put it in the crew’s refrigerator, which she did. The man firmly advised her that he was holding her personally responsible for the crabs staying frozen, and proceeded to rant at her about what would happen if she let them thaw out. She was annoyed by his behavior. Shortly before landing in New York , she announced over the intercom to the entire cabin, ‘Would the gentleman who gave me the crabs in New Orleans , please raise your hand?’ Not one hand went up..so she took them home and ate them herself. Men never learn!

70-year-old George went for his annual physical. All of his tests came back with normal results. Dr. Smith said, “George, everything looks great physically. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with yourself, and do you have a good relationship with your God?” George replied, “God and me are very close. He knows I have poor eyesight, so he’s fixed it so that when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom (poof!) the light goes on when I pee, and then (poof!) the light goes off when I’m done.” “Wow,” commented Dr. Smith, “that’s incredible!” A little later in the day Dr. Smith called George’s wife. “Thelma,” he said, “George is just fine. Physically he’s great, but I had to call because I’m in awe of his relationship with God. Is it true that he gets up during the night and (poof!) the light goes on in the bathroom, and then (poof!) the light goes off?” Thelma exclaimed, “That old fool! He’s peeing in the refrigerator again!”

Feline Physics Law of Cat Inertia – A cat at rest will tend to remain at rest, unless acted upon by some outside force – such as the opening of cat food, ora nearby scurrying mouse. Law of Cat Motion – A cat will move in a straight line, unless there is a really good reason to change direction. Law of Cat Magnetism – All blue blazers and black sweaters attract cat hair in direct proportion to the darkness of the fabric. Law of Cat Thermodynamics – Heat flows from a warmer to a cooler body, except in the case of a cat, in which case all heat flows to the cat. Law of Cat Stretching – A cat will stretch to a distance proportional to the length of the nap just taken. Law of Cat Sleeping – All cats must sleep with people whenever possible, in a position as uncomfortable for the people involved, and as comfortable as possible for the cat. Law of Refrigerator Observation – If a cat watches a refrigerator long enough, someone will come along and take out something good to eat. Law of Electric Blanket Attraction – Turn on an electric blanket and a cat will jump into bed at the speed of light. Law of Random Comfort Seeking – A cat will always seek, and usually take over, the most comfortable spot in any given room. Law of Bag/Box Occupancy – All bags and boxes in a given room must contain a cat within the earliest possible nanosecond. Law of Cat Embarrassment – A cat’s irritation rises in direct proportion to her embarrassment times the amount of human laughter. Law of Cat Disinterest – A cat’s interest level will vary in inverse proportion to the amount of effort a human expends in trying to interest him. Law of Pill Rejection – Any pill given to a cat has the potential energy to reach escape velocity. Law of Cat Composition – A cat is composed of Matter + Anti-Matter + It Doesn’t Matter. Law of Cat Elongation – A cat can make her body long enough to reach just about any counter top that has anything remotely interesting on it. Law of Cat Obstruction – A cat must lay on the floor in such a position to obstruct the maximum amount of human foot traffic. Law of Cat Acceleration – A cat will accelerate at a constant rate, until he gets good and ready to stop. Law of Dinner Table Attendance – Cats must attend all meals when anything good is served. Law of Rug Configuration – No rug may remain in its naturally flat state for very long. Law of Obedience Resistance – A cat’s resistance varies in proportion to a human’s desire for her to do something. First Law of Energy Conservation – Cats know that energy can neither be created nor destroyed and will, therefore, use as little energy as possible. Second Law of Energy Conservation – Cats also know that energy can only be stored by a lot of napping. Law of Milk Consumption – A cat will drink his weight in milk, squared, just to show you he can. Law of Furniture Replacement – A cat’s desire to scratch furniture is directly proportional to the cost of the furniture. Law of Cat Landing – A cat will always land in the softest place possible; often the mid-section of an unsuspecting, reclining human. Law of Fluid Displacement – A cat immersed in milk will displace her own volume, minus the amount of milk consumed.

Q: How do you put an elephant in a refrigerator? A: Step one: Open the door. Step two: Put the elephant in. Step three: Close the door.

Three men were standing in line to get into heaven one day. Apparently it had been a pretty busy day, though, so Peter had to tell the first one, “Heaven’s getting pretty close to full today, and I’ve been asked to admit only people who have had particularly horrible deaths. So what’s your story?” So the first man replies: “Well, for a while I’ve suspected my wife has been cheating on me, so today I came home early to try to catch her red-handed. As I came into my 25th floor apartment, I could tell something was wrong, but all my searching around didn’t reveal where this other guy could have been hiding. Finally, I went out to the balcony, and sure enough, there was this man hanging off the railing, 25 floors above ground! By now I was really mad, so I started beating on him and kicking him, but wouldn’t you know it, he wouldn’t fall off. So finally I went back into my apartment and got a hammer and starting hammering on his fingers. Of course, he couldn’t stand that for long, so he let go and fell — but even after 25 stories, he fell into the bushes, stunned but okay. I couldn’t stand it anymore, so I ran into the kitchen, grabbed the fridge and threw it over the edge where it landed on him, killing him instantly. But all the stress and anger got to me, and I had a heart attack and died there on the balcony.” “That sounds like a pretty bad day to me,” said Peter, and let the man in. The second man comes up and Peter explains to him about heaven being full, and again asks for his story. “It’s been a very strange day. You see, I live on the 26th floor of my apartment building, and every morning I do my exercises out on my balcony. Well, this morning I must have slipped or something, because I fell over the edge. But I got lucky, and caught the railing of the balcony on the floor below me. I knew I couldn’t hang on for very long, when suddenly this man burst out onto the balcony. I thought for sure I was saved, when he started beating on me and kicking me. I held on the best I could until he ran into the apartment and grabbed a hammer and started pounding on my hands. Finally I just let go, but again I got lucky and fell into the bushes below, stunned but all right. Just when I was thinking I was going to be okay, this refrigerator comes falling out of the sky and crushes me instantly, and now I’m here.” Once again, Peter had to concede that that sounded like a pretty horrible death. The third man came to the front of the line, and again the whole process was repeated. Peter explained that heaven was full and asked for his story. “Picture this,” says the third man, “I’m hiding naked inside a refrigerator…”

Efficiency Expert An efficiency expert concluded his lecture with a note of caution. “You don’t want to try these techniques at home.” “Why not?” asked somebody from the audience. “I watched my wife’s routine at breakfast for years,” the expert explained. “She made lots of trips between the refrigerator, stove, table and cabinets, often carrying a single item at a time. One day I told her, ‘Hon, why don’t you try carrying several things at once?’” “Did it save time?” the person in the audience asked. “Actually, yes,” replied the expert. “It used to take her 20 minutes to make breakfast. Now I do it in seven.”

Interesting Questions Why do we put suits in garment bags and garments in a suitcase? If I melt dry ice, can I take a bath without getting wet? Why is it that bullets ricochet off of Superman’s chest, but he ducks when the empty gun is thrown at him? When your pet bird sees you reading the newspaper, does he wonder why you’re just sitting there, staring at carpeting? Why do tourists go to the tops of tall buildings and then put money into telescopes so they can see things on the ground close-up? After eating, do amphibians have to wait one hour before getting out of the water? Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting weak? Why do banks charge a fee on “insufficient funds” when they know there is not enough? Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet? Why doesn’t glue stick to the bottle? Why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard? Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white? Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale? Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized? Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance? Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end you first try? How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures? When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, “It’s all right?” Well, it isn’t all right so why don’t we say, “That hurt, you idiot?” Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that’s falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over? In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?

70-year-old George went for his annual physical. All of his tests came back with normal results. Dr. Smith said, “George, everything looks great physically. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with yourself, and do you have a good relationship with your God?” George replied, “God and me are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight, so he’s fixed it so that when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom (poof!) the light goes on when I pee, and then (poof!) the light goes off when I’m done.” “Wow,” commented Dr. Smith, “that’s incredible!” A little later in the day Dr. Smith called George’s wife. “Thelma,” he said, “George is just fine. Physically he’s great. But, I had to call because I’m in awe of his relationship with God. Is it true that he gets up during the night and (poof!) the light goes on in the bathroom, and then (poof!) the light goes off?” Thelma exclaimed, “That old fool! He’s peeing in the refrigerator again!”

the refrigerator is a clear example that what matters is whats inside

I got my wife a refrigerator for her birthday. You should have seen her face light up when she opened it.