Notes To The Rural Milkman “Dear Milkman, I’ve just had a baby, please leave another one.” “Please leave an extra pint of paralysed milk.” “Please don’t leave any more milk. All they do is drink it” “Milkman please close the gate behind you because the birds keep pecking the tops off the milk.” “Sorry not to have paid your bill before, but my wife had a baby and I’ve been carrying it around in my pocket for weeks.” “Sorry about yesterdays note. I didn’t mean one egg and a dozen pints, but the other way round.” “When you leave my milk knock on my bedroom window and wake me because I want you to give me a hand to turn the mattress.” “Please knock. My television’s broken down and I missed last nights ‘Sopranos.’ If you saw it, will you tell me what happened.” “My daughter says she wants a milkshake. Do you do it before you deliver or do I have to shake the bottle.” “Please send me a form for cheap milk, for I have a baby two months old and did not know about it until a neighbour told me.” “Milk is needed for the baby. Father is unable to supply it.” “From now on please leave two pints every other day and one pint on the days in between, except Wednesdays and Saturdays when I don’t want any milk.” “My back door is open. Please put milk in ‘fridge, get money out of cup in drawer and leave change on kitchen table, because we want to play bingo tonight.” “Please leave no milk today. When I say today, I mean tomorrow, for I wrote this note yesterday…or is it today?” “When you come with the milk please put the coal on the boiler, let dog out and put newspaper inside the screen door. PS. Don’t leave any milk.” “No milk. Please do not leave milk at No. 14 either as he is dead until further notice.”
- Why did the soprano refuse to sing with the other singers? Because she didn’t want to alto-gethertogether!
- How do you make a soprano’s voice even higher? Ask them to sing without a microphone!
- What do you get when you cross a soprano with a clarinet? A very shrill-sounding musical instrument!
- Why did the soprano singer have a headache? They had been hitting too many high notes!
- What’s the difference between a soprano and a terrorist? You can negotiate with a terrorist!
- How do you know if a soprano is at your door? They’ll be the one singing “ding dong”!
- Why did the soprano singer refuse to take a break during the concert? They didn’t want to be caught resting on their laurels!
- How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb? Only one, but they’ll need a ladder to reach the high notes!
- What do you call a soprano who can’t sing in tune? A sharp-dressed woman!