Umbrella Jokes

Why did Snoop Dogg buy an umbrella? Fo Drizzle!

An 80-year old man was having his annual checkup and the doctor asked him how he was feeling. “I’ve never been better!” he boasted. “I’ve got an eighteen year old bride who’s pregnant and having my child! What do you think about that?” The doctor considered this for a moment, then said, “Let me tell you a story. I knew a guy who was an avid hunter. He never missed a season. But one day, he went out in a bit of a hurry, and he accidentally grabbed his umbrella instead of his gun.” The doctor continued, “So he was in the woods, and suddenly a grizzly bear appeared in front of him! He raised up his umbrella, pointed it at the bear and squeezed the handle.” “And do you know what happened?” the doctor queried. Dumbfounded, the old man replied, “No.” The doctor continued, “The bear dropped dead in front of him!” “That’s impossible!” exclaimed the old man. “Someone else must have shot that bear.” “That’s kind of what I’m getting at,” replied the doctor.

A 90-year-old man said to his doctor, “I’ve never felt better. I have an 18-year-old bride who is pregnant with my child. What do you think about that?” The doctor considered his question for a minute and then said, “I have an elderly friend who is a hunter and never misses a season. One day when he was going out in a bit of a hurry, he accidentally picked up his umbrella instead of his gun. When he got to the Creek, he saw a beaver sitting beside the stream. He raised his umbrella and went, ‘bang, bang’ and the beaver fell dead. What do you think of that?” The 90-year-old said, “I’d say somebody else shot that beaver.” The doctor replied, “My point exactly.”

Why do businessmen carry umbrellas? Because umbrellas can’t walk.

A 90-year old man said to his doctor, “I’ve never felt better… I have an 18-year old bride who is pregnant with my child. What do you think of that?” The doctor replied, “I have an elderly friend who is a hunter and never misses a season. One day he was in a hurry and picked up his umbrella instead of his gun by mistake. When he got to the creek, he saw a beaver. He raised his umbrella and went “bang, bang, bang”, and the beaver fell dead. What do you think of that?” The 90-year old said, “I’d say somebody else shot the beaver.” The doctor said, “My point exactly”.

A 90-year-old man said to his doctor, “I’ve never felt better. I have an 18-year-old bride who is pregnant with my child. What do you think about that?” The doctor considered his question for a minute and then said, “I have an elderly friend who is a hunter and never misses a season. One day when he was going out in a bit of a hurry, he accidentally picked up his umbrella instead of his gun. When he got to the Creek, he saw a beaver sitting beside the stream. He raised his umbrella and went, ‘bang, bang’ and the beaver fell dead. What do you think of that?” The 90-year-old said, “I’d say somebody else shot that beaver.” The doctor replied, “My point exactly.”

It’s that windy outside, I’ve just seen an umbrella fly past my window…RIP Mary Poppins!#StormEunice

Did you know, the man who invented the umbrella was going to call it just a brella, but he hesitated!

I like to imagine that the guy who invented the umbrella was going to call it the brella…But he hesitated!

“Give it to me! Give it to me!” she yelled, “I’m so wet, give it to me now!”She could scream all she wanted to, but I was keeping the umbrella!

I know a lot of clever jokes about umbrellas, but they usually go over peoples heads.

She: “Give it to me, I’m soo wet! give it to me!” Me: She can scream all she wants but the umbrella is mine.

“Give it to me!” she said, “I’m so fcuking wet, give it to me right now!” And I replied, “Fcuk you, it’s my umbrella!

I’m a Gentleman. I’ll always give a woman my umbrella if it’s raining outside. Unless she’s wearing white of course.

Throw a stranger a surprise party by putting confetti inside their closed umbrella when they’re not looking!

Worrying is so stupid. It’s like carrying an umbrella waiting for it to rain.

The guy who named the umbrella meant to call it a brella but he hesitated.

I like to imagine that the guy who invented the umbrella was going to call it the brella.But he hesitated.