Vampire Jokes

If vampires have no reflection, how come they have such neat hair?

A vampire bat came flapping in from the night covered in fresh blood and parked himself on the roof of the cave to get some sleep. Pretty soon all the other bats smelt the blood and began hassling him about where he got it. He told them to go way ! And let him get some sleep, but they persisted until he finally gave in. “OK, follow me,” he said and flew out of the cave with hundreds of bats behind him. Down through a valley they went, across a river and into a forest of trees. Finally he slowed down and all the other bats excitedly milled around him. “Now, do you see that tree over there?” he asked. “Yes, Yes, Yes!” the bats all screamed in a frenzy. “Good!” said the first bat, “Because I didn’t!”

What do you get when you cross a vampire with a snowman? Frostbite.

What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite.

Q: What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? A: Frostbite.

Q: What’s as sharp as a vampire’s fang? A: His other fang.

What did one vampire say to the other vampire? Is that you coffin?

Q: What do you say to a vampire when he graduates from college? A: Coagulations!

What do you say to a vampire when he graduates from college? Coagulations!

What does a vampire with a weight problem drink? Blood light

Q: What did one vampire say to the other vampire? A: Is that you coffin?

I recently bought 51% of a vampire hunting company. I’m now the main stake holder.

Movie casting directors were in town today auditioning people for different parts in a new horror show. … … The line of hopefuls was long and by the time the directors got to me, all that was left were some bit parts for vampire bats.

First Guy: “How many vampires showed up to the garlic eating competition today?” … … ….. Second Guy: “I don’t know, it was countless.”

If you’re 17 and your 200 year old lover won’t turn you into a vampire so you can be together forever, he’s just not that into you.

If one drop of semen contains more life than a drop of blood, why don’t vampires s*ck co*k? Oh wait, Twilight.

Passed a vampire, a zombie, and a prostitute on the way to work tonight. Not sure which ones were in costume…

Vampires aren’t on FB because they can’t take pictures of themselves in front of a mirror.

TWILIGHT: Taking the N’ out of “Vampire Fangs”, since 2007!

How do you kill a vegetarian vampire? With a steak to the heart.

Where do vampire pencils come from?Pennsylvania.

What do you get if you cross a snowman with a vampire?Frostbite.

What do you get if you cross a snowman with a vampire?Frostbite.

A vampires favorite ship.Is a blood vessel.

I bought 75% of shares in a vampire hunting business.I’m the main stakeholder.

What is a vampire’s favorite fruit?A neck-tarine.