Whale Jokes

  • Sperm whales were created when Chuck Norris masterbated in the ocean.

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  • A Sunday School teacher read a passage from the Old Testament book of Jonah to her class: “And the Lord appointed a great fish to swallow up Jonah; and Jonah was in the belly of the fish three days and three nights. Then Jonah prayed to the Lord his God from the belly of the fish, saying ‘I called to the Lord our of my distress and He answered me.’ … and the Lord spoke to the fish, and it vomited out Jonah upon the dry land.” (Jonah 1:17 — 2:2, 10) When she had finished reading, the teacher said, “Now, children, you have heard the Bible story of Jonah and the whale. What does this story teach us?” Ten-year-old Mark shouted out: “You can’t keep a good man down!”
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  • Q: What did the dolphin say to the whale when he bumped into him? A: I didn’t do it on porpoise.
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  • Q: What did the dolphin say to the whale when he bumped into him? A: I didn’t do it on porpoise.
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  • Chuck Norris easily won the Iditarod dog sled race by pulling a sled load of 16 dogs, 800 pounds of supplies and with a dead sperm whale chained behind it.
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  • What did the dolphin say to the whale when he bumped into him? I didn’t do it on porpoise.
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  • I was in a bar when two fat women came in talking in an interesting accent.I said, “Cool accent, are you two ladies from Ireland?”One of them snarled at me, “It’s Wales, Dumbo!”I corrected myself, “My apologies, so are you two whales from Ireland?”Then the fight started!
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  • A bloke goes into a cafe near the Arctic Circle and asks the waiter what’s on the menu.The waiter says, “We have whale meat, whale meat and whale meat. And today’s special is the Vera Lynn.”“What’s that?” asks the bloke.“Whale meat again,” says the waiter.
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  • I just yawned so loud now I’m pretty sure a whale somewhere is trying to answer.
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  • Who was the marketing genius who decided to call killer whales “killer whales” instead of “sea pandas”???
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  • I’m coming out with a workout video called “Beached Whale Body”. It’s just a video of me sitting on my recliner with my computer on my lap and phone in hand.
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  • What do you call a group of killer whales playing instruments? An Orca-stra.
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