Whip Jokes

A little girl walked to and from school daily. Though the weather that morning was questionable and clouds were forming, she made her daily trek to the elementary school. As the afternoon progressed, the winds whipped up, along with lightning. The mother of the little girl felt concerned that her daughter would be frightened as she walked home from school and she feared the electrical storm might harm her child. Full of concern, the mother quickly got into her car and drove along the route to her child’s school. As she did, she saw her little girl walking along. At each flash of lightning, the child would stop, look up, and smile. Another and another flash of lighting followed quickly and with each, the little girl would look at the streak of light and smile. When the mother’s car drew up beside the child, she lowered the window and called to her, ‘What are you doing?’ The child answered, ‘I am trying to look pretty because God keeps taking my picture.’

Old tribal wisdom says that when you discover you are riding a dead horse, the best strategy is to dismount. Businesses, however, often try other strategies. These include… 1. Buying a stronger whip. 2. Changing riders. 3. Saying things like “This is the way we always have ridden this horse” 4. Appointing a committee to study the horse. 5. Arranging to visit other sites to see how they ride dead horses. 6. Increasing the standards to ride dead horses. 7. Appointing a tiger team to revive the dead horse. 8. Creating a training session to increase our riding ability. 9. Comparing the state of dead horses in today’s environment. 10. Change the requirements declaring that “This horse is not dead”. 11. Hire contractors to ride the dead horse. 12. Harnessing several dead horses together for increased speed. 13. Declaring that “No horse is too dead to beat.” 14. Providing additional funding to increase the horse’s performance. 15. Do a CA Study to see if contractors can ride it cheaper. 16. Purchase a product to make dead horses run faster. 17. Declare the horse is now “better, faster and cheaper.” 18. Form a quality circle to find uses for dead horses. 19. Revisit the performance requirements for horses. 20. Say this horse was procured with cost as an independent variable. 21. Promote the dead horse to a supervisory position.

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn’t seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, “My friend is dead! What can I do?”. The operator says “Calm down. I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.” There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says “OK, now what?”

It’s out! Brand new edition of… “You know you’re A redneck when……” 1. You take your dog for a walk and you both use the same tree. 2. You can entertain yourself for more than 15 minutes with a fly Swatter. 3. Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years. 4. You burn your yard rather than mow it. 5. You think the “nutcracker” is something you do off the high dive. 6. The Salvation Army declines your furniture. 7. You offer to give someone the shirt off your back and they don’t want it. 8. You have the local taxidermist on speed dial. 9. You come back from the dump with more than you took. 10. You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table. 11. Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat. 12. Your grandmother has “ammo” on her Christmas list. 13. You keep flea and tick soap in the shower. 14. You’ve been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog. 15. You go to the stock car races and don’t need a program. 16. You know how many bales of hay your car will hold. 17. You have a rag for a gas cap. 18. Your house doesn’t have curtains, but your truck does. 19. You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean. 20. You can spit without opening your mouth. 21. You consider your license plate personalized because your Father made it. 22. Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand. 23. You have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say “Cool Whip” on the side. 24. The biggest city you’ve ever been to is Wal-Mart. 25. Your working TV sits on top of your non-working TV. 26. You’ve used your ironing board as a buffet table. 27. A tornado hits your neighborhood and does a $100,000 worth of Improvements. 28. You’ve used a toilet brush to scratch your back. 29. You missed your 5th grade graduation because you were on Jury Duty. 30. You think fast food is hitting a deer at 65 mph.

Three men were sitting in a bar talking about how whipped they had their wives. The first two kept bragging about how they could get their wives to do anything. They looked at the third man and he said, “I have my wife so whipped that the other day I had her crawling towards me on her hands and knees.” Both of the other men were very impressed and asked him how he had managed that. The man replied, “Well, I was lying under the bed and she crawled over and said, “Come out and fight like a man!”.

Two college students, Frank and Matt, are riding on a New York City subway when a beggar approaches them asking for spare change. Frank adamantly rejects the man in disgust. Matt, on the other hand, whips out his wallet, pulls out a couples of singles and gladly hands them over to the beggar with a smile. The beggar thanks him kindly and then continues on to the other passengers. Frank is outraged by his friend’s act of generosity. What on earth did you do that for? shouts Frank. You know he’s only going to use it on drugs or booze. Matt replies, And we weren’t?

A hip young man goes out and buys the best car available: a 1999 Ferrari GTO. It is also most expensive car in the world, and it costs him $500,000. He takes it out for a spin and stops for a red light. An old man on a moped (both looking about 75 years old) pulls up next to him. The old man looks over at the sleek, shiny car and asks, “What kind of car ya’ got there, sonny?” The young man replies, “A 1999 Ferrari GTO. It cost half a million dollars!” “That’s a lot of money, “says the old man. “Why does it cost so much?” “Because this car can do up to 320 miles an hour!” states the young dude proudly. The moped driver asks, “Mind if I take a look inside?” “No problem,” replies the owner. So the old man pokes his head in the window and looks around. Then sitting back on his moped, the old man says, “That’s a pretty nice car, all right!” Just then the light changes so the guy decides to show the old man just what his car can do. He floors it, and within 30 seconds the speedometer reads 160 mph. Suddenly, he notices a dot in his rear view mirror. It seems to be getting closer! He slows down to see what it could be and suddenly, whhhoooossshhh! something whips by him, going much faster! “What on earth could be going faster than my Ferrari?!” the young man asks himself Then, ahead of him, he sees a dot coming toward him. Whoooooosh! It goes by again, heading the opposite direction! and it looked like the old man on the moped! “Couldn’t be,” thinks the guy. “How could a moped outrun a Ferrari?!” But again, he sees a dot in his rear view mirror! Whooooosh, Ka- bblaMMM! It plows into the back of his car, demolishing the rear end. The young man jumps out, and it IS the old man!!! He runs up to the mangled old man and says, “Oh my god! Is there anything I can do for you?” The old man whispers with his dying breath, “Unhook…my suspenders… from your side-view mirror…”

One day, there was a catastrophic event that caused all humans on Earth to die. To sort things out, everyone went to Heaven. God came in and said, “I want the men to make two lines. One line for the men who ruled their women on Earth and the other line for the men who were ruled by their women. Also, I want all the women to go with St. Peter.” With that, the next time God looked, the women were gone and there were two lines. The line of men who were ruled by their women was 1000 miles long, and in the line of men who ruled their women, there was only one man. God became angry and said, “You men should be ashamed of yourselves. I created you in my image and you were all whipped by your mates. Look at the only one of my sons who stood up and made me proud. Learn from him! Tell them, my son, how did you manage to be the only one in this line?” The man replied, “I don’t know, my wife told me to stand here.”

Two college students, Frank and Matt, are riding on a New York City subway when a beggar approaches them asking for spare change. Frank adamantly rejects the man in disgust. Matt, on the other hand, whips out his wallet, pulls out a couples of singles and gladly hands them over to the beggar with a smile. The beggar thanks him kindly and then continues on to the other passengers. Frank is outraged by his friend’s act of generosity. “What on earth did you do that for?” shouts Frank. “You know he’s only going to use it on drugs or booze.” Matt replies, “And we weren’t?”

1. Never give me work in the morning. Always wait until 4:00 and then bring it to me. The challenge of a deadline is refreshing. 2. If it’s really a rush job, run in and interrupt me every 10 minutes to inquire how it’s going. That helps. Or even better, hover behind me, advising me at every keystroke. 3. Always leave without telling anyone where you’re going. It gives me a chance to be creative when someone asks where you are. 4. If my arms are full of papers, boxes, books, or supplies, don’t open the door for me. I need to learn how to function as a paraplegic and opening doors with no arms is good training in case I should ever be injured and lose all use of my limbs. 5. If you give me more than one job to do, don’t tell me which is the priority. I am psychic. 6. Do your best to keep me late. I adore this office and really have nowhere to go or anything to do. I have no life beyond work. 7. If a job I do pleases you, keep it a secret. If that gets out, it could mean a promotion. 8. If you don’t like my work, tell everyone. I like my name to be popular in conversations. I was born to be whipped. 9. If you have special instructions for a job, don’t write them down. In fact, save them until the job is almost done. No use confusing me with useful information. 10. Never introduce me to the people you’re with. I have no right to know anything. In the corporate food chain, I am plankton. When you refer to them later, my shrewd deductions will identify them. 11. Be nice to me only when the job I’m doing for you could really change your life and send you straight to manager’s hell. 12. Tell me all your little problems. No one else has any and it’s nice to know someone is less fortunate. I especially like the story about having to pay so much taxes on the bonus check you received for being such a good manager. 13. Wait until my yearly review and THEN tell me what my goals SHOULD have been. Give me a mediocre performance rating with a cost of living increase. I’m not here for the money anyway.

Two men are drinking in a bar at the top of the Empire State Building. One turns to the other and says: “You know last week I discovered that if you jump from the top of this building- by the time you fall to the 10th floor, the winds around the building are so intense that they carry you around the building and back into the window.” The bartender just shakes his head in disapproval while wiping the bar. The 2nd Man says: “What are you a nut? There is no way in heck that could happen.” 1st Man: “No, it’s true let me prove it to you.” So he gets up from the bar, jumps over the balcony, and careens to the street below. When he passes the 10th floor, the high wind whips him around the building and back into the 10th floor window and he takes the elevator back up to the bar. The 2nd Man tells him: “You know I saw that with my own eyes, but that must have been a one time fluke.” 1st Man: “No, I’ll prove it again” and again he jumps and hurtles toward the street where the 10th floor wind gently carries him around the building and into the window. Once upstairs he urges his fellow drinker to try it. 2nd Man: “Well what the heck, it works, I’ll try it.” So he jumps over the balcony, plunges downward, passes the 11th, 10th, 9th, 8th floors and hits the sidewalk with a ‘splat.’ Back upstairs the Bartender turns to the other drinker: “You know, Superman, you’re a real jerk when you’re drunk.”

Everybody on earth dies and goes to heaven. God comes and says, “I want the men to make two lines. One line for the men that dominated their women on earth and the other line for the men that were dominated by their women. Also, I want all the women to go with St. Peter.” With that said and done, the next time God looked, the women are gone and there are two lines. The line of the men that were dominated by their women was 100 miles long, and in the line of men that dominated their women, there was only one man. God got mad and said, “You men should be ashamed of yourselves. I created, you in my image and you were all whipped by your mates. Look at the only,one of my sons that stood up and made me proud. Learn from him! Tell them my son, how did you manage to be the only one in this line?” And the man replied, “I don’t know, my wife told me to stand here.”

A couple in their nineties are BOTH having problems remembering things. They decide to go to the doctor for a checkup. The doctor tells them that they’re physically in good condition for their age, but if they are having trouble remembering they might want to start writing things down to help them. Later that night while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair. “Where are you going?” his wife asks. “To the kitchen” he replies. “Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?” “Sure.” “Don’t you think you should write it down so you can remember it?” she asks, recalling the doctor’s suggestion. “No, I can remember it.” “Well, I’d like some strawberries on top, too. You’d better write it down because you know you’ll forget it.” He says, “I can remember that! You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries.” “I’d also like whipped cream. I’m certain you’ll forget that, so you’d better write it down!” she retorts. Irritated, he says, “I don’t need to write it down. Just don’t start with that! Leave me alone!! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream. I got it, for goodness sake!” Then he grumbles on into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes, the old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs. She stares at the plate for a moment and says, “Where’s my toast?”

Me: Hello. AT&T;: Hello, this is AT&T.; Me: Is this AT&T;? AT&T;: Yes, this is AT&T.; Me: This is AT&T;? AT&T;: Yes. This is AT&T.; Me: Is this AT&T;? AT&T;: Yes! This is AT&T.; May I speak to Mr. Salem please? Me: May I ask who is calling? AT&T;: This is AT&T.; Me: Ok, hold on. At this point, I put the phone down for a solid 2 or 3 minutes thinking that, surely, this person would have hung up the phone. I ate my salad. Much to my surprise, when I picked up the receiver, she was still waiting. Me: Hello? AT&T;: Is this Mr. Salem? Me: May I ask who is calling please? AT&T;: Yes, this is AT&T.; Me: Is this AT&T;? AT&T;: Yes, this is AT&T.; Me: This is AT&T;? AT&T;: Yes, is this Mr. Salem? Me: Yes, is this AT&T;? AT&T;: Yes, sir. Me: The phone company? AT&T;: Yes, sir. Me: I thought you said this was AT&T.; AT&T;: Yes, sir, we are a phone company. Me: I already have a phone. AT&T;: We aren’t selling phones today, Mr. Salem. Me: Well, whatever it is, I’m really not interested, but thanks for calling. When you are not interested in something, I don’t think you can express yourself any plainer than by saying “I’m really not interested,” but this lady was persistent. AT&T;: Mr. Salem, we would like to offer you 10 cents a minute, 24 hours a day, seven days a week, 365 days a year. Now, I am sure she meant she was offering a “rate” of 10 cents a minute, but she at no time used the word “rate.” I could clearly see that it was time to whip out the trusty old calculator and do a little ciphering. Me: Now, that’s 10 cents a minute, 24 hours a day? AT&T;: (getting a little excited at this point by my interest) Yes, sir, that’s right! 24 hours a day! Me: Seven days a week? AT&T;: That’s right. Me: Three hundred and sixty-five days a year? AT&T;: Yes, sir. Me: I am definitely interested in that! Wow!! That’s amazing!! AT&T;: We think so! Me: That’s quite a sum of money! AT&T;: Yes, sir, it’s amazing how it adds up. Me: Ok, so will you send me checks weekly, monthly or just one big one at the end of the year for the full $52,560? If you send an annual check, can I get a cash advance? AT&T;: Excuse me? Me: You know, the 10 cents a minute. AT&T;: What are you talking about? Me: You said you’d give me 10 cents a minute, 24 hours a day, seven days a week, 365 days a year. That comes to $144 per day, $1,008 per week and $52,560 per year. I’m just interested in knowing how you will be making the payment. AT&T;: Oh no, sir, I didn’t mean we’d be paying you. You pay us 10 cents a minute. Me: Wait a minute here! Didn’t you say you’d give me 10 cents a minute? Are you sure this is AT&T;? AT&T;: Well, yes, this is AT&T;, sir, but… Me: But nothing! How do you figure that by saying that you’ll give me 10 cents a minute that I’ll give you 10 cents a minute? Is this some kind of subliminal telemarketing scheme? I’ve read about things like this in the Enquirer, you know. Don’t use your alien brainwashing techniques on me. AT&T;: No, sir, we are offering 10 cents a minute for… Me: There you go again! Can I speak to a supervisor please?!? AT&T;: Sir, I don’t think that is necessary. Me: Sure! You say that now! What happens later? AT&T;: What? Me: I insist on speaking to a supervisor! AT&T;: Yes, Mr. Salem. Please hold. So, now AT&T; has me on hold and my supper is getting cold. I begin to eat while I’m waiting for a supervisor. After a wait of a few minutes and while I have a mouth full of food… Supervisor: Mr. Salem? Me: Yeth? Supervisor: I understand you are not quite understanding our 10 cents a minute program. Me: Id thish Ath Teeth & Teeth? (Is this AT&T;) Supervisor: Yes, sir, it sure is. I had to swallow before I choked on my food. It was all I could do to suppress my laughter and I had to be careful not to produce a snort. Me: No, actually I was just waiting for someone to get back to me so that I could sign up for the plan. Supervisor: OK, no problem. I’ll transfer you back to the person who was helping you. Me: Thank you. I was on hold once again and managed a few more mouthfuls. I needed to end this conversation. Suddenly, there was an aggravated but polite voice at the other end of the phone. AT&T;: Hello, Mr. Salem. I understand that you are interested in signing up for our plan. Me: Do you have that ‘friends and family’ thing, because you can never have enough friends and I’m an only child and I’d really like to have a little brother. AT&T;: (click)

15 Things One Should Never Say During Sex 1. But everybody looks funny naked! 2. You woke me up for that? 3. Did I mention the video camera? 4. Do you smell something burning? 5. (in a janitor’s closet) And they say romance is dead… 6. Try breathing through your nose. 7. A little rug burn ever hurt anyone! 8. Is that a Medic Alert Pendant? 9. Sweetheart, did you lock the back door? 10. But whipped cream makes me break out. 12. On second thought, let’s turn off the lights 13. Can you please pass me the remote control? 14. Do you accept Visa? 15. Z ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

One day, there was a catastrophic event that caused all humans on Earth to die. To sort things out, everyone went to Heaven. God came in and said, “I want the men to make two lines. One line for the men who ruled their women on Earth and the other line for the men who were ruled by their women. Also, I want all the women to go with St. Peter.” With that, the next time God looked, the women were gone and there were two lines. The line of men who were ruled by their women was 1000 miles long, and in the line of men who ruled their women, there was only one man. God became angry and said, “You men should be ashamed of yourselves. I created you in my image and you were all whipped by your mates. Look at the only one of my sons who stood up and made me proud. Learn from him! Tell them, my son, how did you manage to be the only one in this line?” The man replied, “I don’t know, my wife told me to stand here.”

God summons St. Peter and says, “St. Peter, we have a problem. Heaven is full. However, we have a number of high-profile candidates waiting at the Gates, and we are suffering from falling popularity. So, I’m going to throw out Mother Teresa and let in one of the celebrities at the gate. You’ll have to go and decide who is most suitable.” St. Peter goes down to the Pearly Gates and finds Freddie Mercury, Gianni Versace, and Princess Diana waiting for him. He says, “I’m afraid I can only let one of you in, so each of you must come up with a reason why you should be admitted to Heaven.” Freddie Mercury says, “I’ve been gifted with one of the most beautiful voices to ever grace the earth. I’ll spend my time in Heaven singing praises to God with the choirs of angels. Heaven will never have sounded better.” Gianni Versace says, “I was Earth’s greatest designer. I will outfit the cherubs and angels in all the latest fashions — long silky gowns, satin cloaks and nightwear spun from the very clouds we stand on. Heaven will never have looked better.” Diana blushes a little, looks around nervously and seems unable to find something suitable to say. Suddenly, she strips off her skirt and panties, whips out a bottle of Perrier, shakes it up and douches with it. St. Peter says, “OK, Diana, you may enter. Have a nice day!” Freddie and Gianni are mortified. “What’s going on here?” Freddie cries. “We could make heaven look and sound better than ever before, and she performs a disgusting, pornographic act, but she gets in and we don’t!” St. Peter just shrugs his shoulders and says, “Sorry, guys, but a royal flush beats a pair of queens any day.”

You might be a redneck if …. You’ve ever had Thanksgiving dinner on a Ping-Pong table. Thanksgiving dinner is squirrel and dumplings. You’ve ever re-used a paper plate. If you have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say Cool Whip on the side. If you’ve ever used your ironing board as a buffet table. Your turkey platter is an old hub cap. Your best dishes have Dixie printed on them. Your stuffing’s secret ingredient comes from the bait shop. Your only condiment on the dining room table is ketchup. Side dishes include beef jerky and Moon Pies. You have to go outside to get something out of the ‘fridge. The directions to your house include “turn off the paved road”. You consider pork and beans to be a gourmet food. You have an Elvis Jell-o mold. Your secret family recipe is illegal. You serve Vienna Sausage as an appetizer.

A circus owner runs an ad for a lion tamer and two people show up. One is a good looking, older retired navy chief in his mid-sixties and the other is a gorgeous blonde in her mid-twenties. The circus owner tells them, “I’m not going to sugar coat it. This is one ferocious lion. He ate my last tamer so you guys better be good or you’re history. Here’s your equipment — chair, whip and a gun. Who wants to try out first?” The girl says, “I’ll go first.” She walks past the chair, the whip and the gun and steps right into the lion’s cage. The lion starts to snarl and pant and begins to charge her. About half way there, she throws open her coat revealing her beautiful naked body. The lion stops dead in his tracks, sheepishly crawls up to her and starts licking her; feet and ankles. He continues to lick and kiss her entire body for several minutes and then rests his head at her feet. The circus owner’s mouth is on the floor. He says, “I’ve never seen a display like that in my life.” He then turns to the retired chief and asks, “Can you top that?” The tough old chief replies, “No problem, just get that lion out of the way.”

A cowboy named Bud was overseeing his herd in a remote mountainous pasture in California when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced toward him out of a cloud of dust. The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, RayBan sunglasses and YSL tie, leaned out the window and asked the cowboy, “If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, Will you give me a calf?” Bud looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, “Sure, Why not?” The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects it to his Cingular RAZR V3 cell phone, and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo. The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg , Germany. Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses an MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, receives a response. Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet printer, turns to the cowboy and says, “You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves.” “That’s right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves,” says Bud. He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on with amusement as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car. Then Bud says to the young man, “Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?” The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, “Okay, why not?” “You’re a Congressman for the U.S. Government”, says Bud. “Wow! That’s correct,” says the yuppie, “but how did you guess that?” “No guessing required.” answered the cowboy. “You showed up here even though nobody called you. You want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked. You used millions of dollars worth of equipment trying to show me how much smarter than me you are, and you don’t know a thing about how working people make a living, or about cows for that matter. This is a herd of sheep. Now give me back my dog.

Chocolate Test {…No cheating!!} Take this cute chocolate test to find out your true being. If you were buying candy and you had your choice of the following,which would you choose? BABY RUTH 3 MUSKETEERS BUTTERFINGERS SNICKERS HERSHEY’S ALMOND JOY with ALMONDS CLARK BAR GOOD ‘n’ PLENTY ENERGY BAR CHOCOLATE COATED RAISINS Ok – Now That We Have Your Choice, This Is What Research Says About You!!! And NO….you can’t change your mind once you scroll down. So think carefully about what your choice will be! BABY RUTH – Sweet, loving, cuddly. You love all warm fuzzy items. A little nutty. Sometimes you need an ice cream cone at the end of the day. 3 MUSKETEERS – You are adventurous, love new ideas, are a champion of underdogs and a slayer of dragons. When tempers flare up, you whip out your sabre. BUTTERFINGER – Smooth articulate, you are an excellent after-dinner speaker and a good teacher. But don’t try to walk and chew gum at the same time. SNICKERS – Fun-loving, sassy, humorous. Everyone enjoys being around you. But you are a practical joker – others should be cautious in shaking hands! HERSHEY – Romantic, warm, loving. You care about other people and can be counted on in a pinch. You tend to melt. ALMOND JOY – Sexy, always ready to give and receive, very energetic, and really like to get into life. The opposite sex is always attracted to you. CLARK BAR – You like sports, whether baseball, football, basketball, or soccer. If you could, you would like to participate, but enjoy watching sports. You don’t like to give up the remote control. GOOD ‘n’ PLENTY – You are a very fun loving person, who likes to laugh. You are fun to be with. People like to hang out with you. You are a very warm hearted person. ENERGY BAR – Life is passing you by. Get a life!!!! Go eat a plum. CHOCOLATE COATED RAISINS – You go to the bathroom often.

I’d been fucking this woman for ages, and just as I was about to cum, I whipped my cock out and shot all over her face.“You dirty bastard,” she moaned. “You could have told me!”“No chance,” I replied. “I’m a bus driver. I don’t give any warning when I’m pulling out!”

I asked the man who drives the local Mr Whippy van how the dandruff keeps getting into my ice cream…He just stood there scratching his head!

I was rear-ended in my car by an ice-cream van…I’m now suffering from Mr Whippylash!

I was snooping through my mum’s things and I found a whip, a mask, and handcuffs.I can’t believe it!..My mum’s a super hero!

Mr whippy was found dead today with a flake up his ass, chocolate sprinkles on his penis and strawberry sauce on his bollocks. Police think he topped himself.

I always feel a little kinky whenever the lady at Starbucks asks me if I’d like whipped cream on it.

Well I had close call last night! This girl I picked up at the bar, drove me back to her place. She looked like a lady, walked like a lady, even talked like a lady! But when she whipped into that parking spot perfectly…..I was like hold on somethings up!

Sharing a Facebook account with your gf/wife is the best way to let everyone know how whipped you are.

I just found a whip, a mask and handcuffs in my mom’s bedroom. I can’t believe it.. She’s a superhero!

I just found a whip, mask and some handcuffs in my sister’s room.I just had no idea she was a superhero.