The Funniest Harry Potter Jokes for Muggles

We all love Harry Potter, and we all love laughing too. Whether you’re looking to woo a Harry Potter fan or you’ve got a big wizard themed party coming up, here are some of our favourite Harry Potter jokes to Slytherin to a conversation and get even the driest Muggles laughing.

I’m trying to write a book about Platform 9 and 3/4. But I keep hitting a wall.

Why doesn’t Voldemort have glasses?

Nobody nose.

How does Harry Potter get rid of a rash?

With quit-itch.

How do Malfoys enter a building?

They Slytherin.

Why was Harry Potter arrested?

Because he made fun of someone on Snape Chat.

What do you call the entrance to a magical gym?

A Dumbbell-door


Dumbledore: Are you serious?
Snape: No, I’m Severus.

How does Harry Potter get down a hill?

Walking. JK Rolling.

Hows does Voldemort enter a room?

He slithers in.

What do wizards in Harry Potter use instead of laxatives?


What would you call a reality show where Sirius Black adopted the Weasley children?

Orange Is the New Black.

How many wizards does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb. One to rotate the room.

What’s the most unreasonable thing about the Harry Potter books?

A ginger with two friends.

What did Harry Potter wear when his hair fell out?

A Hedwig.

How does Voldemort keep his breath fresh?

He eats de-mentos.

Why wouldn’t Ron’s car move?

It got stuck in a quid-ditch

Why didn’t the professors like having Fred and George Weasley at Hogwarts?

They never knew which witch was which.

How many muggles does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. It is the only thing they are good for.

I found the first four Harry Potter books to be quite light-hearted.

The fifth one was dead Sirius.

We hope you liked these Harry Potter jokes, and if you’ve got any more to share, please leave them in the comments below!

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